August 19, 2026
655: Wildfire
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Welcome to Ghost of a Podcast. I'm your host, Jessica Lanyadoo. I'm an astrologer, psychic medium, and animal communicator, and I'm going to give you your weekly horoscope and no-bullshit mystical advice for living your very best life.
Jessica: Josie, welcome to the podcast.
Josie: Thank you.
Jessica: I know you have a lot of heavy shit. What would you like to talk about?
Josie: I would like to talk about the, I suppose, rebuilding after the fire that just destroyed my home and a lot of my neighborhood. I would like to talk about how to best support my children through this tragedy and also just through the difficult time that we're living in right now. I worry about them a lot because I'm a mom and I do, and our world is just so crazy. And I love them so much.
And you know, Jessica, it's been a hell of a five or maybe six years for me. And I lost my home in a crazy wildfire in Spokane a few days ago, and in a way, it feels so tragic and also maybe like the Plutonian, "You know what? We're just burning this shit down, and you get a new start after everything." So yeah.
Jessica: And where are you now?
Josie: At my mom's house.
Jessica: And it's unaffected by the fires at this point?
Josie: It is. There was the fire that took out my house and then some neighborhoods nearby, and then one started further northwest of us just right pretty much—I don't know—an hour after the other one started. And then one started in this area, but they've got it mostly under control now. So, when we evacuated, we actually came up here, and I have six animals and two children. And so I ended up taking—
Jessica: That's a lot.
Josie: —everyone to my children's father's house, which was in a safe area.
Jessica: Okay, so still in Washington but not—
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: —not in the Spokane danger zone?
Josie: Right.
Jessica: Okay. Did you say six animals?
Josie: Uh-huh.
Jessica: Oh God. You have so many animals.
Josie: A dog, a cat, a bunny, and then two hamsters and a bearded dragon.
Jessica: Oh my God. Okay. And they're all at Dad's house, your ex's house?
Josie: No. We've got the hamsters here, my puppy, my doggy who's laying right next to me. The cat and the bearded dragon are at the ex's, the children's father's house.
Jessica: Okay. Okay. And the kids are with their dad right now?
Josie: They are.
Jessica: Okay. Great.
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: Okay. And so this home—did you own the home or were you renting it?
Josie: Owned it.
Jessica: Okay. Fuck.
Josie: Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Jessica: Okay. Sorry. I just feel that in my gut. I just feel it. Yeah. I'm really sorry. Everybody's physically okay at this moment, right? Everybody is—
Josie: Yep.
Jessica: Okay. Great. Great.
Josie: Yep.
Jessica: Do you work?
Josie: I do. I'm a teacher. Well, I'm an educator. I work in education. I don't teach a classroom full of kids. And I think we start back in two weeks, which feels very, very overwhelming.
Jessica: Right.
Josie: Everything feels very overwhelming right now, so—
Jessica: So I imagine that everything is interrupted now because the fires are still raging. So, at this point, kids are supposed to go to school. You're supposed to go to work, and there's no plan B?
Josie: I don't think, yet. I know that the district is working on things. And then I'm looking at emergency leave so that I don't have to go back right away.
Jessica: Great.
Josie: The insurance process is insane. And like two days after I lost my home, a friend was like, "You need to secure a builder and start looking at plans so that they can get you"—you know. And I'm like, I don't even know where to start with that. I'm grieving my loss, and now I have to pick someone to build me a new home and look at what—
Jessica: That's so intense. And I feel like a person's home burning down is like—it's like a core fear that so many of us have because it's so total and swift. I'm sorry.
Josie: It's okay. I have to get all this out.
Jessica: Yeah.
Josie: I've had my kids for—since it happened, and they're so off their rockers right now, and they're just wild. And today I've got some quiet time, so I'll probably cry a lot. So thank you.
Jessica: Yeah. Yeah. Cry as much as you need to. And also, I'm so sorry. Okay. I'm going to pull this up now. Hold on. Okay. So you were born February 28th of 1980 in Seattle, Washington, 8:09 p.m. You are a xennial—not millennial, not Gen X. We talked about it.
Josie: That's right.
Jessica: Yeah. We talked about it. So the first thing I noticed when I looked at your chart was that this fucking Solar Eclipse on August 12th is happening directly on your Moon.
Josie: Oh. Okay.
Jessica: Yeah. This can mean lots of different things. But in the context of what you're actually living through, this tracks because the Moon governs home and security, and it's like your family life but it's also your physical home. And so to have this Solar Eclipse be so cataclysmic on your Moon makes me just want to start off by saying I'm glad you have your mom.
Josie: I know.
Jessica: I'm glad you're at your mom's house and that your mom is a supportive person, because we don't all have that, right?
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: But in your case, I mean, you have this beautiful Grand Trine between your Moon, Venus, and Neptune. It's all in fire. You were not only a loved and wanted child, but you were kind of—your mom felt like you were something special in her life and in the world. Your mom loves you, loves you, eh?
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: Yeah.
Josie: Yeah, she does.
Jessica: She loves you, loves you.
Josie: Yes.
Jessica: Yeah. And were you raised with your dad?
Josie: They got divorced when I was, I think, eight. And he's super chaotic.
Jessica: Yeah.
Josie: He's so chaotic.
Jessica: Yeah, and a person who thinks in terms of punishment and reward as opposed to nurturance and love, eh?
Josie: Oh yeah.
Jessica: Yeah.
Josie: Nurturance and love is like—yeah. No.
Jessica: Not his jam.
Josie: Punishment and reward and just so inconsistent, so not even like a punish you every time. Just total chaos.
Jessica: Chaos. Yeah.
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: So I just want to kind of start with these little things. They're not little things; they're core things. But they're kind of foundational to where you're at, in a way. You are currently going through Uranus squaring your Mars and your Jupiter, which sit on top of each other right at the start of your twelfth house in Virgo. And Uranus square Mars and Uranus square Jupiter tends to be associated with unexpected, swift changes of fate.
Josie: Hmm.
Jessica: Yeah. Now, none of these transits inherently mean that one would go through what you're going through, but you're going through it, and it's clearly these fucking transits being way too loud.
Josie: Okay.
Jessica: So there's a number of things I'll say about this. I imagine a lack of stability is going to persist for some time—
Josie: Okay.
Jessica: —because when Uranus squares these planets, it is not stable. That's kind of the lesson. Because Uranus is squaring Jupiter, you are likely to have opportunities. They'll be easy come, easy go. And so your friend's advice of actually look for a contractor now/try to get something in writing so that the process is started now is great advice.
Josie: Okay.
Jessica: And also, I don't know that it will completely work, because you're not going to be the only person seeking a contractor. And I don't know if you've ever hired a contractor. It's not always a clean, clear path forward, right—
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: —to get that kind of work done. This is going to be what you would expect it to be, and also, it's probably good to giddyap if you can. And is your ex a person who you can count on personally, or is he more of, like, an ex?
Josie: He's more of an ex.
Jessica: Yeah. I'm sorry.
Josie: Yeah. He's kind of unpredictable, too, and he's pretty erratic and mirrors the—
Jessica: Is he safe for the kids to be with?
Josie: He's like the reward/punishment guy for sure. They don't want to be with him right now at all, even my daughter, who—I feel like there's some enmeshment with my daughter with him, and my son referred to him as the devil last night—
Jessica: Oh my.
Josie: —which was really intense and [crosstalk]—
Jessica: How old is your son?
Josie: He's ten.
Jessica: Wow. Okay. So he's really not happy to be there.
Josie: No.
Jessica: And how long do the kids have to be with their dad?
Josie: We have split custody, and I've been keeping them more. And he'll do this thing where he's like, "No, it's my day and I want them, and I'm their father," and that whole thing, you know?
Jessica: Right.
Josie: So I've been using, "Well, we just experienced a tragedy together, and they need to be with me right now." And he's okay with that.
Jessica: Okay. We clearly need to talk about the kids and parenting, but I kind of have the instinct to start with you. Would you prefer we start with the kids, though?
Josie: No.
Jessica: Whatever's strongest in your body right now is where we should start.
Josie: Let's start with me.
Jessica: Okay. Great. So, when it comes to rebuilding, in the spring of 2027, you're going to start going through two once-in-a-lifetime Neptune transits. And they have you questioning the meaning of life, and they can often be a period that tests your need for boundaries. And Neptune can introduce chaos, right? And so, looking ahead, I don't love to see that, and it makes me want to encourage you to strive to create some structure or stability for yourself before the spring.
Josie: Okay.
Jessica: I know that right now—where are we? We're in early August. But that's a very quick timeline, given that your house burned down. And so are you, in this period, thinking of leaving the area? Are you thinking about staying with your parents long term? Renting a place? I know this is all so soon, but do you have any thoughts about any of those things yet?
Josie: Yes. I've thought about getting into a rental. It's hard to put all the pieces together because, one, it's really nice to just be with family right now and everything's so unstable. I didn't have any clothes until friends brought some up the other day. And I have a coworker who has a house on the market that hasn't sold, and he offered it to me to rent. It's on the absolute opposite end of town from where my mom is.
Jessica: Oh.
Josie: She was going to help get the kids to school and do things like that so that I can have a steady schedule this year.
Jessica: Is staying at your mom's house long term an option?
Josie: I think it could be. They have a garage with a studio built on it, like a studio apartment. That's where I am now. And then they were talking about bringing a friend's trailer up that's livable. So we're all having a family meeting tonight to talk about who could go where and what everybody's needs are. And so I think it's possible to be able to stay out here and maybe just live in the studio apartment, and then—
Jessica: Is there enough room in the studio for you with the two kids?
Josie: I mean, we're all in one—it's like a loft, and we can definitely have three beds up there, and then a small area for a kitchen. There's a bathroom and then a little living area.
Jessica: Okay. So it's fully meant for a family to live in, should need be.
Josie: Yes.
Jessica: I have the instinct—so you've given me your children's birth data.
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: And it's like if it was just you, you wouldn't really need advice about what to do. It would be obvious: just stay in the studio or a trailer. It would be like a no-brainer. But because you do have the kids, it is a radically different situation. So I'm going to look at your kids' charts. I'm not going to share them in public, because I think that that's not right to do. But I will tell you what I can see. So, first, I'm looking at your daughter, who's how old?
Josie: She's six.
Jessica: Okay. So your daughter—this is hitting her hard, the displacement part of it.
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: So what I would say in regards to your daughter's welfare—because Pluto is going to be squaring her Sun—it starts in the New Year, and it lasts a couple of years, like two and a half years' period—whatever you set up, it is ideal that it works, that the setup is not changed. So, if you decide, "Okay, we're going to make the studio work," I want you to be thinking about, will it work for seven-year-old daughter? Will it work for eight-year-old daughter? Will it work for—I think you said your son was ten.
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: Because that means 12-year-old boy in studio with bed near sister and mother.
Josie: Right.
Jessica: So is that actually viable? Because I am looking at this as you hope that it's a shorter period of time, but you want to plan for it to be a couple years.
Josie: Yeah. That's exactly what I thought. I thought 18 months to 2 years.
Jessica: Yeah. It looks like two years-ish, yeah—
Josie: Okay.
Jessica: —because it's not just having to rebuild your home, which is, on its own, just an inconceivably large task, but it's everyone in a huge part of Spokane having to rebuild their home.
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: So it's—materials, labor, all that stuff gets more scarce and expensive, I imagine.
Josie: Right.
Jessica: And also the same thing with a trailer. How does that work with the pubescence of your kids, right?
Josie: Dude, yeah. I can't imagine being in a trailer for two years.
Jessica: Two years. Yeah. That, to me, seems like a really rough approach.
Josie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: And they're not old enough for one of them to be in the studio or for you to be in the studio and the kids to be in your mom's house. They're not quite old enough for that kind of setup.
Josie: Right.
Jessica: It wouldn't work, from what I'm seeing for your daughter. I'll look at your son in a moment. But that makes me wonder about your friend's house. My concern about your friend's house that—it was on the market and didn't sell—is that, in this calamity, his house might be more valuable if it didn't burn down, right, to people who are trying to stay in the area. So can you rely on him not trying to sell the house for two years?
Josie: Yeah. Okay.
Jessica: Yeah. And that—
Josie: I'll talk to him about that.
Jessica: Yeah. And because you're going through Neptune transits, I would say, probably, you cannot.
Josie: Oof. Okay.
Jessica: And it wouldn't be any fault—this is the thing about Neptune. Neptune tends to pull the rug out from underneath you. And is this guy married or Gay?
Josie: He's married.
Jessica: He's married.
Josie: He's been married for a long time. They're early 60s.
Jessica: And you trust him; he's not skeezy?
Josie: He's so kind.
Jessica: He's kind. He's not skeezy. Okay. Great.
Josie: No. So kind. Yeah.
Jessica: That's what I was getting at. That's what I was getting at with the question.
Josie: No, he's super kind.
Jessica: Great.
Josie: Yeah. And Spokane is—people are joining together and being really supportive, and there's stuff—people are like, "We were going to just rent this house, you know, just normally, but we want to offer this to fire victims," and there's a lot of that going on.
Jessica: That's wonderful.
Josie: It is. It's so lovely. And I think everybody at work would—it would be—unless he quit his job—can you imagine if he was just like, "You gotta move out; we're selling the house" and then work with everybody who's—we're so close, you know?
Jessica: Okay. So it would be weird if he did.
Josie: Oh yeah.
Jessica: So, in that case, if that feels stable, then it is, of your immediate options, the better one, unfortunately, even though being with family is more supportive. So far, looking at your daughter—I'm going to look at your son in just a moment—
Josie: Okay.
Jessica: —multiple moves will be harder on her. She's a very adaptable kid, and also, she's a Scorpio. She's not a Scorpio—she's a double Scorpio, Sun and Rising in Scorpio. So she—yes, she is. So she's intense, and Scorpio has a hard time letting go.
Josie: Mm-hmm. Yes. Yeah.
Jessica: And so talking about how to be in relationship to things and to let things go is going to be an important ongoing conversation, making room for really big emotional swings.
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: Now, when I look at your son, who is a little bit older, Neptune is sitting on his Ascendant. So he's flummoxed and thrown. Neptune is sitting on top of his Ascendant, and it's squaring his Midheaven. Very similar transits are coming for you. So you're very similar to your son while being the total opposite of your son. You're very similar/very different kind of thing.
Josie: That's totally true. Yes.
Jessica: Yeah, on the same spectrum. And so he and you are going through similar things, which is going to be triggering to you as the parent because that's how parenting works, right? You get triggered by seeing yourself in a tiny, little human.
Josie: Yes.
Jessica: Neptune is going to square Venus, and Pluto next year is going to start—I believe it'll be conjoining his Sun. Does he fight with his dad?
Josie: He's started to.
Jessica: Yeah. Just recently, yeah?
Josie: Yep.
Jessica: Okay. So, yeah, it's going to start in the spring of 2027, the Pluto conjunction to Sun. So I think keeping them in the same school is going to be important—
Josie: Okay.
Jessica: —like, part of the same community, even though that community is going to be changing because not everybody is going to be able to stay after this kind of thing, I would imagine.
Josie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: Issues of feeling out of control coinciding with puberty, with early puberty, which I—not all boys his age, I would say, are in early puberty. It looks like he is.
Josie: Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Jessica: Yeah. That's a rough combo platter. That is a rough combo platter for everybody involved.
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: Unfortunately, throughout all of this, negotiating with your ex is going to become a fucking thing because the kids have a different kind of tolerance for the power struggles—
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: —in particular, your son.
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: This is where you being stable creates stability for your children, and in particular your son in this context. You feeling like you are not scrambling to survive to the best of your ability—and that's like—okay, of course, that's true for all of us, but I come back to this idea of something like living in a trailer on your mom's property—it's going to put you in a chronic state of survival mode.
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: So, when you first said it, I was like, oh, that's kind of perfect. You're on your mom's land. It's a safe space. You're close to family. You have all that support. But it doesn't give you enough space for the kids to be kids, right?
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: And kids going through something.
Josie: Yes. And there aren't really neighbor kids, yeah, and friends are so important to my son right now.
Jessica: Yeah.
Josie: And my daughter loves her play dates, too, so—
Jessica: Yeah.
Josie: —it feels like, for that reason, where the colleague has a home would be good. And a lot of the kids at the their school live on the [redacted].
Jessica: Okay. Hold on for a sec. Let me just see this. I asked the cards. The cards say yes—
Josie: They do?
Jessica: —for that house. So that looks like the better option.
Josie: Okay.
Jessica: And what I think that means in the context coming back to you and rebuilding is really having conversations with your mom and other people who have the bandwidth to be supportive, having conversations with people around how they can be supportive or whether they can be supportive, even though you're going to be living a little bit further away.
Josie: Okay.
Jessica: Now, okay. I'm going to just slow down and pause. In regards to general rebuilding or stuff with your kids, do you have any other questions or things you want me to speak to?
Josie: Can you look at my ex and help me with navigating things with him?
Jessica: I think you're right that we need to look at your ex. It's really about their dad, right, because—
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: —it's not exclusively about their dad, but he's being wild right now when I look at him energetically. He's not like, "Oh, my kids just lost everything in a fire"—
Josie: No.
Jessica: —"and the town is burning down." He's not, at all, meeting that moment.
Josie: No.
Jessica: He's just like, "What? Everything's normal"—
Josie: Totally.
Jessica: —which is B-A-N-A-N-A-S. That is wild.
Josie: It's total bananas, total bonkers.
Jessica: Yeah. Yeah.
Josie: I don't get it. I'm like, "How is your emotional capacity so low?"
Jessica: It's shocking.
Josie: It's shocking.
Jessica: It's actually shocking because it's not like he's not in the town watching it burn.
Josie: He's breathing in the terrible air and everything.
Jessica: Yeah, seeing the darkened skies. But he really doesn't have—his way of coping with the fear is to be like, "It's not happening."
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: And both of your kids want to rip the paint off the walls. They're just coming out of their skins, right?
Josie: Totally.
Jessica: They're stressed. The kids are stressed.
Josie: Oh yeah. Mm-hmm.
Jessica: And the fact that their dad is being—an obstructionist is the best way for me to put it. He's just blocking energy, blocking—he's not making room for emotion. He's not creating activities that are nurturing or a good outlet. He's not doing any of that stuff.
Josie: Nope.
Jessica: And they are pushing back on him—
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: —which—as a person who's pushed back on him, you know that doesn't go great.
Josie: No.
Jessica: No. And his investment in parenting, in co-parenting, is really an investment in keeping what's his.
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: Yeah. Unfortunately, it's not an investment in, "I really want to ask my kids how their day was and listen." That's not his—
Josie: It's like an ownership thing or something.
Jessica: It's an ownership thing. His kids are his.
Josie: It's super weird.
Jessica: They belong to him. Yeah.
Josie: Yeah. "I am their father."
Jessica: Yeah.
Josie: He's said that. And I'm like, "What does that mean right now? That's so inappropriate."
Jessica: Is he, like, super MAGA?
Josie: Oh, he—yeah, he kind of started going that way. I don't talk to him about that stuff.
Jessica: Yeah.
Josie: I don't look at his social media.
Jessica: Yeah.
Josie: He's got this kind of machismo thing for sure. And when all the fucking Charlie Kirk stuff was going, he was like, "I'm going to start reading the Bible, and I"—
Jessica: Oh God. That's your reaction? Wow.
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: Wow.
Josie: He's definitely—
Jessica: He's going in the MAGA direction.
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: The reason why I asked is because he has that rage and resentment fuel in him. He's constantly reacting to things changing and, "They shouldn't change, and I shouldn't have to do anything," and his relationship with fatherhood and maleness kind of screams MAGA.
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: And so I am not encouraging you to learn more about him, but I am going to say that your kids are absolutely being exposed to it. And so there needs to be some kind of conversation with them when he is not around them because he is not a safe space.
Josie: Totally.
Jessica: Yeah. And so conversations with your kids—not this month. This month is the immediacy of the house stuff, right? But conversations with your kids about, "Okay, how do you stand up for yourself with adults? How do you say no to adults? How can you disagree with adults? Where is the line of you have to respect what the adults in your life say and the line between recognizing that they're asking you to do something that's not safe? Where is the line of consent as a kid with adults?"
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: Unfortunately, you're going to have to have that conversation, which—I know, as a parent, negotiating a co-parenting agreement you have to do carefully. But if you don't do it, both of your kids, each going through their own Pluto transits, will adopt his way, which is exploding, punishing, drama. Right? This is his way.
Josie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: So, unfortunately, you've got to give them the skills that you struggle with yourself. Fun. Being a parent is so easy.
Josie: Isn't that how it goes, though? You know?
Jessica: Yeah. It literally is.
Josie: I mean, we're called to grow through parenthood, and so—yeah.
Jessica: It's really such a hard job. It's such a hard job. It is an exceptionally difficult job.
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: But it is—I would recommend—and you're an educator, so this is in your wheelhouse—finding age-appropriate books on this topic for your two children.
Josie: Great.
Jessica: Some of this is gendered, right, because your ex is such a gendered person. He is treating the children really differently.
Josie: Yep.
Jessica: And your daughter is going to absolutely fight back.
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: Let me say it this way. She doesn't have any Pisces in her chart. She has Neptune in Pisces, but she's not going to go quietly into the night. She is not going to take it.
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: And so it's really important to figure out, how do you encourage her to advocate for herself, to know herself, even to have body autonomy, because it looks like—is he physically rough?
Josie: Yes, in that they—he likes to do play-fighting with them and stuff where it's like slapping their faces and stuff.
Jessica: Oh.
Josie: And I'm like, "What are you doing? This is not funny and fun, and they're"—you know, kind of desensitizing them to this kind of—
Jessica: To violence. Yeah.
Josie: —stuff through play.
Jessica: Yeah.
Josie: Right? It's gross. It's really gross. And so they come to me, and they'll just—my daughter will push on me really hard with her head and do those kinds of stim things, and it's like, "I need you to give me some—my body does not like this." And she just doesn't know what to do. Like you said, they're crawling out of their skin.
Jessica: This is the thing, is it is not—it's not going to go well, right? It's not going to go well because no child wants to be slapped in the face.
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: You know what I mean? That's not a thing. That's, like, not a thing.
Josie: Nope.
Jessica: And even if a child knows that there's a very fine line between this is play and this is cruelty, a child can't consent, right?
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: And so, as their needs have all of a sudden, because of their extreme circumstances—right? They've exploded, and they're going to be in school with a bunch of kids who are in a similar situation. His, I would say, problematic behavior is going to have a new impact. So I do not get the sense that you can just call him, email him, or text him and be like, "Hey, I need you to stop doing that," and he'd be like, "Cool, ma'am. No problem. I'll do that."
Josie: Nope.
Jessica: I don't see that happening. And you may have to intervene at a certain point, and I would encourage you to—again, not this month, but to stay really mindful about this and to maybe talk to a lawyer or somebody about, "What is the appropriate way to intervene? What are the steps I need to take to intervene or to kind of substantiate my case?"—of course, keeping in mind the way that the country is going. I don't know the specifics of your estate. I imagine it's not great. So the more litigious you can be, the more you can have records of "This happened on this day," the better.
Josie: I'm doing that. Yeah. I'm doing that.
Jessica: Good. Good. And I would say the more you see emotional distress and related behaviors from the kids when they come back from Dad, the more you know that it's an urgent thing to do. And unfortunately, right now, this man is reverse-helping. He's anti-helping. I'm sorry. And so figuring out how to have boundaries with a man who—your whole relationship is predicated on him not respecting your boundaries—is no small task. But it does look like it is a big part of the assignment for these next few years.
Josie: Yeah. That makes sense. It's started, and I felt—my approach before was sort of the same. It's not happening.
Jessica: Yeah. Yeah.
Josie: Yeah, because I tried while we were married, and it got fucking—not even—I got nowhere. I got, like, backwards, you know?
Jessica: Right. Right.
Josie: It was so bad.
Jessica: He does the opposite of what you ask for, right? That's his thing.
Josie: Yes.
Jessica: Yeah.
Josie: He does the opposite of what you ask for.
Jessica: Yeah.
Josie: And so, anyway, I've started finally having some boundaries, and I think even just energetic boundaries with him, right, because I think I kind of was like—I wasn't hanging on to him like I still loved him. That's gone, done. I didn't want—but it's like, we're co-parents. I've gotta have a relationship with you so we can have a relationship with our children. I just kept hanging on to that.
Jessica: Yeah.
Josie: Recently, I admitted to myself that that's not realistic, and it's just not going to happen. And it feels like he's gotten worse, like he picks it up.
Jessica: Yeah. That's right. That's right.
Josie: And he senses it, and it's gotten worse.
Jessica: Yeah. Unfortunately, between looking at your birth chart and the chart of your two children, I imagine it has gotten worse. And in terms of what this means for you is you are being called upon to change because—let's talk about your chart for a minute here, okay?
Josie: Okay.
Jessica: You have your Mercury opposition to Saturn, and it T-squares to Neptune, right?
Josie: Okay.
Jessica: This is a very challenging T-square because you are a person who—your kind of default setting is, "Don't make waves. Don't disagree. Don't be bad. Don't be too much. Just"—
Josie: Totally.
Jessica: "If I keep giving and giving and giving, then they'll respond by giving back"—
Josie: Oh yeah.
Jessica: —which works zero percent of the time.
Josie: Which I learned and—
Jessica: Totally.
Josie: —finally got it. Yeah.
Jessica: So fun fact with the "finally got it" part. Sure, and the Universe is going to test that with the ex.
Josie: Okay.
Jessica: So you can stay single right now and really focus on embodying this with the ex. I would actually recommend that because of how extreme things look with the ex at this time. He is used to you being—like, making yourself small in his presence.
Josie: Yep.
Jessica: And if you are, even on an energetic plane, not even verbally doing anything different, if you are being less energetically small, he would try to fix that by smashing you down, right?
Josie: Yes.
Jessica: By being less kind to the children, by being more rigid with you around pickup and drop-off and that kind of stuff.
Josie: Yes.
Jessica: This is his move, right?
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: It's rigidity, control, cruelty.
Josie: Fuck yeah.
Jessica: So challenging that—this is the fucking problem with the healing path, right? You heal one art of the wound, and the Universe is like, "Fabulous. Let's go to the next part." And you're like, "No. Can't I just hang out with the beauty of I healed this thing?" So the next part for you is self-advocacy.
Josie: Okay.
Jessica: It's not just self-advocacy; it's advocating for the kids because what he does to you, he's doing to the kids.
Josie: Yep.
Jessica: And you can't legally stop him from being with the kids. But you can give the kids tools, and you can advocate for the kids. And figuring out what that looks like might take the help of a shrink who specializes in this stuff, maybe even a lawyer. If there's even an inkling that you need either or both of those things, I would encourage you to find them.
Josie: My therapist gave me the name of a lawyer—
Jessica: Great.
Josie: —to contact. There's a dad who is really highly recommended by a lot of people at the kids' school who's a therapist, and he offered to see kids after the fire. And I had already contacted him about seeing me.
Jessica: Great. Great. I'm so glad.
Josie: So I'm working on all those pieces for sure. It's really important. I know that.
Jessica: The other thing about [redacted] I would say is she needs women. So a male therapist may not be the best thing in the world for her.
Josie: Okay.
Jessica: She's very aware that she's a girl in a way that comes from her dad. And this is like a power over/power under thing, right?
Josie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: And so working with another male could be incredibly healing, or it could be actually really detrimental. And being around strong women who encourage her to be strong—I don't see a downside in that. Now, I'm not saying that a male therapist would be bad, but I would be very cautious about her with men because of, right now, she's going through a really rough time with her dad in this specifically gendered way. Making sure any therapist you send her to is not super MAGA is actually going to be really important.
Josie: Oh, eww. I would never.
Jessica: But you don't know, right? And how do you know, unless you know? How do you know? So it's a good thing to know.
Josie: I think he's safe.
Jessica: Okay.
Josie: I really do.
Jessica: Great.
Josie: But I can investigate that more.
Jessica: I would encourage you to do due diligence—
Josie: Okay.
Jessica: —not because I'm seeing something wrong, but because that's part of your lesson. That's part of your transits at this time, is that due diligence.
Josie: Okay.
Jessica: And this is in regards to your friend being like, "Girl, get a contractor," right? It's in that context. It's in all the contexts. You're kind of being challenged to swiftly meet the moment, which is really difficult and annoying, but it is [crosstalk].
Josie: Like challenged to not do the fawn thing.
Jessica: Correct.
Josie: That is like my—yeah.
Jessica: Yes. Your go-to. Yeah.
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: You have a Mars/Jupiter conjunction. You have a Moon in Leo. You have Uranus—what is it doing? It trines your Mercury. You've got Venus in Aries. It's opposite Pluto, but Venus in Aries. You have such a bold, strong nature. But because of Saturn in the twelfth house in Virgo and that T-square, including Mercury, Neptune, Saturn, and then being Pisces—these things have, in some ways, encouraged you to project out your strengths. And this is why you've been attracted to really toxically strong men—
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: —because, instead of embodying the wholeness of your nature, you have projected it out, and so you've called it into your life. And when we do that, it's always twisted.
Josie: Totally.
Jessica: It's never good for us, right?
Josie: Yep. Mm-hmm.
Jessica: And so, now that Uranus is squaring your Mars and your Jupiter, you have this once-in-a-lifetime stimulation because everything's chaos anyways. Everything's changed anyways. So you can introduce more change. Uranus will help you do that. And this, for you, is about being the Mars, being the Jupiter—in other words, being assertive, being the one who's like, "I'm going to get this done. I'm going to call this shot. I'm going to make a choice about what path we take and how we take it." Right?
Josie: Yeah. Yeah.
Jessica: And these transits were already happening before the fire this weekend.
Josie: Okay.
Jessica: But now we know that the rest of your transit will have meaningfully to do with this fire having kind of—
Josie: [crosstalk].
Jessica: Changed everything. It's just changed everything.
Josie: Yeah. Yeah.
Jessica: Now, will you say his full name out loud? And let me just look at him real quick.
Josie: Okay. [redacted].
Jessica: Does he use violence in a disciplinary way?
Josie: So I'll say yes and then add that he's never hit the children. And then, you know, physical violence in terms of getting so mad and throwing toys and breaking them or—
Jessica: Wow.
Josie: —stuff like that, you know?
Jessica: Okay. So all that stuff is important not just to be remaining watchful of but also to figure out—and again, this may be a good thing to work out with a therapist before you bring to the kids—what you want to say to the kids about how you don't like it and that you don't think it's okay, maybe asking the kids how they feel about it and do they feel safe, and acknowledging the limits of what you can control, and also really letting them know that you are a safe place, that if anything ever happens that they're not comfortable with, that they can talk to you about it and that you will figure out how to take care of it.
Josie: Okay.
Jessica: So this is less about you coming in and being like, "This is wrong. This is what I'm going to tell you about," and more about you making sure that they feel comfortable and safe to tell you if things are changing in his home.
Josie: Okay.
Jessica: Yeah, because he feels like a live wire to me. He feels really unpredictable, and he feels like he's getting more and more mad. I don't feel like he's getting less mad. And that's dangerous because having pubescent kids is having jerks in the house.
Josie: Totally.
Jessica: Right? They're mean. They don't have the emotional intelligence yet to be like, "Oh shit. That's a line. I shouldn't say that terrible thing to my parent."
Josie: [redacted], she's 6 going on 12, you know?
Jessica: I mean, I can see your kids are—they're both really smart and precocious, but it is especially your daughter who's really precocious. And I love that.
Josie: Me, too.
Jessica: And your ex would hate it, right?
Josie: Yep.
Jessica: He would be very triggered by it. And if he tries to stamp it out of her, that would be awful. And so it's important that she knows that she can come to you and talk to you about how it feels and talk to you about what's happening and that you won't make it about you. You won't fly off the handle. You won't punish her, and it won't come back at her, right? So just letting her know, "I don't like the way he behaves in this way. How do you feel? Do you want to talk to me about anything? If at any time you want to talk to me about anything, you can tell me what you need and tell me what's happening."
Just really—again, I'm not sure what the right words are. It sounds like you have a good therapist, so having that conversation with a therapist, coming up with an age-appropriate way to talk to each of the kids separately—
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: —and then, after talking to each of the kids separately, talking to them together and being like, "Hey, you know I talked to you about this already, but I want to talk to you both together."
Josie: Okay.
Jessica: "And I want to make sure you're taking care of each other." You know? That's going to be really important.
Josie: That is going to be very important.
Jessica: Yeah. Yeah, because the kids—in an unstable environment or unsafe environment, children will often protect each other and also be pitted against each other. Both things can happen at once.
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: And so this does feel really important. And again, because of this fire and the loss of your home very personally, but also the destabilization of all the children in their world, this is going to get more. Everything's getting more.
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: So okay. I know that you and I are meeting immediately after this tragedy happened, and there's only so much that you can process and do and make plans for in this moment. So I want to just slow down, encourage you to kind of tap in and see, did we cover what's helpful at this time? Do you have any kind of lingering question?
Josie: I'm just tightening up inside.
Jessica: Yeah.
Josie: It feels like there's just so much. And like you said, it's so soon afterward, and there's all these, of course, questions I have that are just for way down the road.
Jessica: My instinct—what I'm hearing is give it six months because this is not even a week after—
Josie: I know.
Jessica: —it happened. And we are on the buildup to an Eclipse that occurs on August 12th, which is next week. And that will just be really emotional, right? So Eclipses—whatever happens on and around Eclipses takes about six months to play out. So I think that's why I'm hearing—it's part of why I'm hearing let's give it six months to kind of gestate and see where you land because any number of things could happen in the next three hours to change one part of your situation, right? I mean, it's possible your parents would want to live in the studio and give you and the kids the house. A million things could change that would change your options.
Josie: They talked about that.
Jessica: I see it's not on the table, and there's pros and cons of that idea, but it is an option.
Josie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: It is an option. It would be really good for you in a lot of ways, and then there would be some cons, right? It would certainly help you save money. It would be really good for you in a lot of ways. But it's not an option yet, and it's not clear—it's your father-in-law, right? Wait, no, that's not what it's called.
Josie: My step.
Jessica: It's called stepfather. Stepfather.
Josie: Yeah, the step. Yep.
Jessica: It's your stepfather. I don't know—does he have, like, a knee problem?
Josie: Oh, I think he does. Yeah, he does have a knee problem.
Jessica: And there are steps to get to the studio, isn't there?
Josie: Yep, there's a ladder to the loft.
Jessica: Okay. I don't know that that would work for him is what I'm seeing.
Josie: Right.
Jessica: And I don't think he's super keen on the idea. I don't think he can handle those stairs.
Josie: No.
Jessica: That said, it is in the realm of options. It's there.
Josie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: And so there's a lot that could change in an hour after we get off this call.
Josie: Okay.
Jessica: The other thing I'm seeing is you and I have talked about a lot of things for you to do. Most of them are very hard.
Josie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: And you have remained so calm throughout this whole conversation, which is amazing because I don't think I would be, in your situation. But one never knows how one would act in your situation until you're there.
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: But I know that you're doing a really good job of staying present and being here for it, but also, I have given you a lot of to-dos. And so I think I'm seeing, like, okay, this is enough to-dos for you. That's more than enough. It's a lot. And keep on leaning on your mom.
Josie: Okay.
Jessica: She's a great resource.
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: She's like an easy love resource for you.
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: She wants to be there for you. She might not be able to be there for you in the ways that she wishes she could because of circumstance, but she can be emotionally there for you. That doesn't look like it's going to waver. So lean on her. Your therapist looks great, so continue to come to her with lists of things that you need help with—
Josie: Okay.
Jessica: —when that feels appropriate. Sometimes you just need your therapist to be your therapist, and sometimes you need her to help you figure out how to talk to your kids or how to find the right resource with your ex-husband or whatever. She looks like a good resource for both of those things. And I'm seeing that correctly, eh?
Josie: Oh, totally.
Jessica: Yeah.
Josie: And we've been doing a lot of that lately. I started out with EMDR with her, and then she's given me a lot of wonderful resources for working with energy workers and [crosstalk].
Jessica: Great. And she's helping. She's helping.
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: And so—okay. This is the last thing I'm being shown to say to you.
Josie: Okay.
Jessica: I think it would be valuable for you to do a ritual of saying goodbye to the house that you had and the life that you had in that house.
Josie: Great.
Jessica: And do that for yourself as an adult. Bring a bestie, but do it where you can do messy adult sad about it. And then, separately—and don't tell your kids about that. And then, separately, do something that is age appropriate, appropriate to their personalities, where you go and let them see it. Have they seen it?
Josie: They haven't, and they've been asking. And I've been—
Jessica: Yeah. I see they need to.
Josie: They need to. Okay.
Jessica: They need to for closure.
Josie: Yeah, and that's how it was for me.
Jessica: Yeah. Yeah. I understand the impulse to be protecting kids from seeing terrible things, but a terrible thing has happened to them. So seeing it will help it to be real. But it's important that you go in with a ritual. So these are the things I'm being shown. Being able to ask them if they want to do it together/if they want to do it separately, because I could see the kids having a preference. They're close, but they're so different from each other.
Josie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: Acknowledging that it's going to be scary and hard, and whatever they feel is okay—if they feel nothing or if they feel really, really upset, anything is okay. Letting them know that it's such an important place—it was their home—and also, it's just a place. That home is with the three of you and that you're going to make it somewhere else is really important. Having some sort of—maybe a letter that they write to this home that they can leave there—you know, stick it somewhere—or something that they can—like a picture that they draw or something that they can create as an acknowledgment of their feelings and that they can leave there.
And if they want to, you can get them a little jar and say, "You can bring some ashes from this house." You don't want them to carry around a carcinogenic thing from the house, but having some ashes from the house may be a ritual that helps them to cope with the loss like you would the loss of a person.
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: Yeah. I'm sorry.
Josie: It's okay.
Jessica: Yeah. It's an impossible, terrible fucking situation.
Josie: Sometimes it's all—I'm like, "It's totally okay," and it is—like you said, it's just a place, and they were just things. And I had a lot of stuff that I didn't necessarily want to have and a lot of projects to do, and now I don't have to do those, and this stuff is gone. So it's okay. And other times, it's really fucking sad.
Jessica: Obviously. Yeah. I mean, it's violating to have your home be taken.
Josie: It is violating.
Jessica: It's violating.
Josie: It is. It is.
Jessica: Yes. Yeah.
Josie: And my forest, Jessica, my trees.
Jessica: The photo that you shared—I was like, "Oh my God." Yeah. It's devastating.
Josie: I was just holding on to one the night that I went. When I closed my eyes, I could see its little spirit in there, you know? And it felt so small and like it was inside the very most internal part of the tree, but I could see it still there.
Jessica: I'm so sorry.
Josie: I'm going to miss that for us so much because that was my place of refuge and peace because, as you can see, life has been really tricky for the last few years and really just has felt unstable in many ways. And you've helped me so much. I'm so grateful to you.
Jessica: I'm so grateful that I can help. And I'm so sorry. It is really—when I say it's inconceivable, I've seen photos. I've seen footage. And I cannot conceive of it.
Josie: You can't.
Jessica: Yeah.
Josie: You can't.
Jessica: It's so big and total.
Josie: Yeah. When you go there, it hits you. And it's like, "This is like a war zone."
Jessica: Yeah.
Josie: It's so sad.
Jessica: It's so sad.
Josie: And for people who are actually in war zones, I just can't imagine for them. I can feel it.
Jessica: Yeah. I'm really—I'm so sorry.
Josie: Horrific.
Jessica: And when you go with the kids, I want to say it's okay to be in your emotion, and also, the focus will be—
Josie: On them.
Jessica: —on them, which is why you've got to do this for yourself.
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: And if it takes you a month to do it—none of this has to be done today.
Josie: No.
Jessica: But make sure you give yourself the space to not just do it, but do it so that you have the energy inside of your system of, "I am grieving, and I have grieved. And it's okay to grieve."
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: And, "I am connected to this place, and I'm letting this place go." Being able to hold the energy of that messiness and the intensity of the emotion will create a container for the kids, right?
Josie: Okay.
Jessica: And that's really the best thing you can do.
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: But the only way to do it is by first giving yourself the gift—
Josie: Totally.
Jessica: —which is a shitty gift in a shitty situation, but it's the best you can do for yourself.
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: And if the kids want to hug a soot-covered tree, let them. Make sure they're wearing clothes that it doesn't matter if they get fucked up, you know—if they want to do that, which they actually might, maybe in particular your daughter. This is just going to be an impossible situation and impossible to get right because it's wrong, because it's a wrong situation. So give yourself that spaciousness so that you can really give the kids that spaciousness, right?
Josie: Yeah. Yeah.
Jessica: And your mom—would she come to something like this? Would she do something like this with you?
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: Okay, because—
Josie: She wanted to come with me the other night. She said he wished she were there, but I just kind of did it. I kind of went.
Jessica: You needed to do—yeah. I mean, you may go multiple times and not do a ritual until you're ready, you know?
Josie: Right.
Jessica: That's the thing about ritual. It's not just an action. You have to be ready for that action, so—but I think your mom could be there because she wouldn't get in the way, but she'd be there to hold you.
Josie: Yeah. Totally. And it's not time yet.
Jessica: No.
Josie: I mean, they're really—I had to kind of beg them to let me in. They've got the utilities and the power company, and they're all working down there to get gas off, and there's fires still erupting, and it's chaos still. So it's gotta be when things are quiet and then the [indiscernible 00:51:37] is just the—
Jessica: Yes, and safer.
Josie: Yeah, it's safe and it's just quiet. So I'll do that. Thank you.
Jessica: Yeah. You're welcome.
Josie: There is one more thing.
Jessica: Okay. Hit me with it.
Josie: Okay. So work was so hard for me last year. I was in a program that was at a local community college, and I ran—it was a cohort model where they would take the same class together, and I would help them learn college skills and navigate all of that.
Jessica: Teenagers?
Josie: Yep, high school kids. So I loved it. The new principal pulled me from the program and just completely canceled it and put me in as a plus coordinator, which is helping connect kids with real-world learning experiences, internships—I don't know—volunteer, just depending upon the kid's readiness. It was crazy. There's a team of three of us. We didn't really have any guidance for how to do it. We went to a conference beforehand, and I was like, "Okay, this is all about internships. This is how I'm going to run it, and it's going to be great," and da, da, da. And then we were just told no a lot and blocked a lot.
And so we felt very lost for a while until I was like, "You know what, you guys? Fuck this. We're going to just coordinate some fun things for our kids. Let's take them out to the state park and plant trees with the volunteer [indiscernible 00:52:58]. Let's do this. Let's go"—
Jessica: And did that work?
Josie: It did. It was great, and it boosted morale. I felt pretty drained by my team, just the negativity that they got into with not feeling supported, I think.
Jessica: That's basically what I was going to say, is you're going to have—the resolution to this is to be able to say, "Fuck it. We're going to just do this." You landed on the place where you're meant to be—
Josie: Cool.
Jessica: —which is tapping into your agency and just pushing. You're not used to pushing. You're used to being like, "If I keep on yielding, then everything will work."
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: And that's not going to work in this job.
Josie: Great.
Jessica: Yeah. It's not going to work in this job.
Josie: It didn't work.
Jessica: And so you're—in particular, in the context of this fire and this community and recovery, there will be nothing but opportunities—
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: —for helping in a myriad of ways, right? Like, so many ways. And so you're going to have a really solid foot to stand on with your pushback. You might have to push back, and setting the intention with your staff at the start of the year of, like, "Everything is hard. We've gone through it. The kids have gone through it. Complaining about work is great. I do it. You do it. Let's do it when it's worthy of complaining, and let's try to have some boundaries around how frequently we do it so that we don't make it worse for ourselves because last year was really hard, and at a certain point, we have to do what we can to make it better for ourselves and for the kids."
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: And just—to set that intention. Depending on the group that you are in charge of, that approach may or may not actually work. But it's good to have in your head with some people, or if you think it could work—because that could be heard as, "You're trying to control how I feel," right?
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: That could totally backfire and be a terrible idea or, depending on who it is, the people might be like, "You're right. We're contributing to the environment. We need to create the environment we want." It just depends on the nature of the people.
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: So—
Josie: I think that they'll be receptive to that, for sure, and we did talk about it some.
Jessica: Especially if it's at the start before the problem exists so you're not being like, "You're doing something wrong."
Josie: "You're doing this." Yeah.
Jessica: Yeah. It's more about, "We are a community in turmoil, so this is how we can try," and then doing things for the staff, if you can, like on a monthly basis. And that thing might just be like giving people lots of positive reinforcement, you know—
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: —which so many of us don't get, right?
Josie: Right.
Jessica: But that looks like that's what time it is for you. It's really about—you're learning boundaries.
Josie: Mm-hmm. I am.
Jessica: You're learning boundaries.
Josie: Yeah. Yeah.
Jessica: And that sounds great, and it's wonderful once it's done. And the process is really hard because it's the process of pushing too hard or not pushing hard enough and, either way, feeling the consequences and trying to feel into, "Why let other people be in control?" That's an old habit that stems from fear.
Josie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: And so, if you start developing boundaries, then you're going to be experiencing fear and developing new tools for engaging with that fear, which is scary. And so it's like you're in it. You were in it before the fire, but—
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: —the fire is definitely going to get really loud in all of this. And I will say that I am being guided to say dating—no one now. Not now.
Josie: No.
Jessica: Not so much. Okay.
Josie: It's not happening. There's no room for that. I've totally ruled it out of my life. It's not happening.
Jessica: I think that's a really good idea. And again, I'm hearing six months. In six months, you will either be like, "Hell no," or, "Okay, maybe things have shifted a little," but it just looks like it would introduce a level of chaos into your heart and in your head—
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: —that would destabilize you, even if it was a great person. And if it is—just for the record, if there is somebody perfect and you happen to meet him, if he's perfect, he will be there in six months—
Josie: Yeah. Totally.
Jessica: —because I see how your chart runs and how you can get very romantic and be like, "Oh my God. It's the perfect thing at the wrong moment." No. The perfect thing doesn't show up at the wrong moment. The perfect thing shows up and waits for the right moment.
Josie: I get it.
Jessica: So just keep that in your noodle. Okay.
Josie: I promise I get it.
Jessica: Okay.
Josie: I have no desire for it, and—because I know it's just terrible timing, all the things. I know.
Jessica: Terrible timing. Yeah.
Josie: Yeah.
Jessica: Agreed, agreed, agreed, agreed.
Josie: I have nothing to give to a partner like that right now.
Jessica: It is not the time for that.
Josie: The children need me. I need me.
Jessica: Yes. Yeah.
Josie: There's so much going on. I get it.
Jessica: Agreed.
Josie: And I don't miss it. I'm okay.
Jessica: Good. Okay. Good. And I'm not saying for years, even, right? It's just for now.
Josie: Mm-hmm.
Jessica: Now, hold on. Yeah. I think—I keep on being shown, okay, we did it. I don't want to overdo it for you because you've already got enough on your plate.
Josie: I feel good about everything.
Jessica: Yeah. And I wish you and your family so much luck and ease, and I don't even know what to wish you—I mean, housing, clean air, all the things.
Josie: Yeah. Yeah.
Jessica: I'm really sorry for your loss.
Josie: Yeah. Maybe just wish us grounding and—
Jessica: Grounding. Yeah.
Josie: —you know, staying in the bodies while we navigate what sounds like is going to be a pretty intense couple of years, but—
Jessica: Yeah. I'm afraid so. I'm really sorry.
Josie: —we can do it. I love them so much, and—
Jessica: Grounding—I will wish you the grounding, then, as much grounding as totally possible.
Josie: Thank you, Jessica.
Jessica: Take good care.