Welcome to Ghost of a Podcast. I'm your host, Jessica Lanyadoo. I'm an astrologer, psychic medium, and animal communicator, and I'm going to give you your weekly horoscope and no-bullshit mystical advice for living your very best life.

Jessica:            Supersonic, welcome to the podcast. What would you like a reading about?

Supersonic:     Thank you so much for having me. I'm going to read my question. "I turned 33 and suddenly feel ready to move back to France after being exiled because of my Queerness and Transness in an Afro-French family of origin—I've been exiled from my homeland for ten-plus years—to seek out, is there anything in my chart explaining this Tower Card moment in my life?"

Jessica:            Shit. Okay. The short answer is yes, but we will unpack it. So I just want to share you were born February 21, 1992, in Gonesse, France, sometime in the night. We like to keep some things private.

Supersonic:     Perfect.

Jessica:            So a couple questions—you used the word "exiled." Did you leave of your own accord, or were you forced out of France?

Supersonic:     So I decided that it was time for me to go because my identity—there was no way for me to even do a coming out or [indiscernible 00:01:20] with my identity because it was very clear my family of origin has specific values, and it's very specific when you—like when you're in and when you're out. So there are things that we don't even have to talk about. So, when I couldn't live in—hidden anymore, I had to leave. And I'm saying also exile—exile not only emotionally but also physically because both are things that are so unacceptable in my communities that I will be persecuted to change.

Jessica:            Oh. Wow. Is this religious in nature, or is it more cultural?

Supersonic:     So a part of my family is from an island in the Caribbean in Guadeloupe. This family member will be using religion, Christian religion, as a justification of their ideologies. But then my father is from DRC, not religious, but culturally extremely homophobic.

Jessica:            Yeah. Not a fan of Queerness.

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            And when you think about going back, are you thinking about reconnecting with your family when you go back or simply going back to France?

Supersonic:     Absolutely not reconnecting to my family, but going back to France because I want to make the separation—[indiscernible 00:02:39] to make the separation between the country that is just mine even if I try to push it away for so many years to not feel the pain as much, and a family, like literally human beings. But I've decided that there is no point of reconciliation for us because of what we believe in, and I'm not trying to convince them otherwise. They are unconvincable, like I am unconvincable as well.

Jessica:            Yeah. Now, first, I'm really sorry. That is just fucking heartbreaking and really sad, and I'm really sorry. Do you have any contact with your siblings?

Supersonic:     Some of them have tried to contact me, but those are the youngest ones, but no others of their own. But I strictly keep completely opaque. I don't communicate with them because I don't want any entry point for the other members of the family to contact me or—yes.

Jessica:            And then, related to that, do you have any concern for physical coercion or violence from your family?

Supersonic:     No.

Jessica:            Okay.

Supersonic:     Not anymore.

Jessica:            Okay.

Supersonic:     I have had really high—you know when you're afraid or you're always, like—

Jessica:            Hypervigilance. Yeah.

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            Yeah.

Supersonic:     For many, many years, at least five years after not even seeing any of them, if I was to see a car that looks like someone of my family, things like that, I would be really freaking out. It took me so long to come out of this stage of hypervigilance.

Jessica:            Yeah. So I'm going to dig in on that a little bit more, and I'll tell you why in a moment. But if they did see you, is there a risk that they would be physically coercive or violent?

Supersonic:     No. No, [crosstalk].

Jessica:            No? Okay. Great. Okay. I know you've already answered it, actually, really clearly. I just wanted to double-check because of one of the transits you're going through. So, that said, you're 33, right?

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            Okay. It gets harder to remember the older you get, I find. Okay. So okay. So you're 33. So, before I even get at your question, I want to turn back time to about 29 years old when you were going through your Saturn Return, because you're right now in your Christ year, right?

Supersonic:     Mm-hmm.

Jessica:            And so hold on. Let me give you—do you know exactly when your Saturn Return was?

Supersonic:     I actually do because of the exact dates of my Saturn Return. I had three exact dates, and it was exactly dates when I moved house.

Jessica:            Okay. So you moved homes at that time, and did you have to? Were you in a bad situation and you were leaving it?

Supersonic:     Yes. Not a dangerous situation. I have a child. My child was really young. I separated with the partner I was with at the time, and this partner was extremely emotionally sensitive about the separation. He did have more means, but he was buried in his emotion. So I had to be the one living with my child. And for some time, we were living in sort of student-like situation, which was really not ideal. And then, the second time when we moved, I really moved sky and the earth for us to get our own place. And it was really difficult because I'm a foreigner where I am as well.

Jessica:            Okay. So the theme of the Saturn Return—I'm not surprised—is around home, family, and having to make a choice to choose yourself for your own safety.

Supersonic:     Oh. Okay.

Jessica:            Yeah. So your Saturn is in the fourth house, which is the place of home and family. It's your parents. It's your children. And it's in Aquarius. Everything in your chart screams your Queerness. Everything in your chart screams that your path is unique, that it's—I mean, we could kind of use the word "Queer" as a blanket, like Queer in every context, like eccentric, unexpected, outside of the norm, Gay—any of it. We could use it in any way, right?

Supersonic:     I love all of it.

Jessica:            Yeah. It is who you are. It is what you are. And also, the Saturn Return specifically—right? This is what happens. It happens. It's like this closure of a 29-year-cycle theme from your childhood and an opening to a new theme in your adulthood. And then the Christ year comes. So 33—you've been 33 for a couple months now. And in the 33rd year, whatever kind of themes and lessons are still working their way through your system emerge during the Christ year.

                        And so you are—you're ambitious, so you're like, "I'll go home. I'm going to go all the way back to where my triggers are but also where my home is." There is a real sense of belonging that I imagine that you have there while also none at all. It looks like it's both.

Supersonic:     Yes. That's extremely right.

Jessica:            Yeah. So, if you were to move to Paris, you would need to move to a neighborhood that is completely not where you have memories, like a new area in town, right?

Supersonic:     Totally. Yes.

Jessica:            Yes. Okay. So that's happening, but there's something else happening, which is, in your birth chart, also in your fourth house, you've got Mars and Venus sitting really close to each other. Mars is at almost 3 degrees of Aquarius, and Venus is at almost 4 degrees of Aquarius, which means Pluto is sitting on top of your Mars and your Venus. So you have one child?

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            Okay. And a partner?

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            Okay. And what are the right pronouns for me to use for your partner?

Supersonic:     My partner is they/them, and we are all Trans at home.

Jessica:            Your child as well?

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            Okay. Your partner wants to move with you to France?

Supersonic:     Yes. I initiated it, and for the first time, they understood that it's really important. I understood myself, as well, at that same time that it's important for me to go back to where I'm coming from. And they were extremely supportive, like extremely supportive as—yeah.

Jessica:            Okay. And does everybody in your family speak French or just you?

Supersonic:     Just me. So that was another big motivation for me because French is my emotional language, and I want to share that with my family.

Jessica:            Of course. Yeah. And is your partner trying to learn French?

Supersonic:     Yeah, they are, but could be doing better.

Jessica:            Okay. Okay, because that is a really big deal. It's not like—I mean, you can get by with English, but not well.

Supersonic:     Yeah, no.

Jessica:            No. So would they be able to work in Paris if they don't speak French?

Supersonic:     Yes. They're planning to work remotely, and also, their focus will be on learning French as well, like for real.

Jessica:            Okay. Do me a favor. Say your partner's full name out loud.

Supersonic:     Okay. My partner's name is [redacted].

Jessica:            They're not great at language. Have you noticed that?

Supersonic:     I just thought that's because they grew up in Britian, in the UK, maybe.

Jessica:            Fair. Well, I mean, some people kind of pick up on language. I mean, I could say they're being very British about it, but really, also, there are British people who pick up on French better than your partner. So that's just a little bit of reality, which is only important because from what I'm seeing, this theme of social isolation was a big one in your family when you were a kid.

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            And so I have a little red flag that your partner will be socially isolated if everyone struggles to understand them and they're struggling to understand everyone.

Supersonic:     Mm-hmm. I get that.

Jessica:            Yeah. And your child is young enough where it'll be difficult but not that difficult, right? You said they're six years old?

Supersonic:     Yes, but very stubborn.

Jessica:            Oh. And they don't speak French at all?

Supersonic:     They have been throwing tantrums not to speak French to this point. That's why I'm like, "Okay. We will need to immerse all of you."

Jessica:            That's fair. That's fair. Do me a favor. Say your child's full name out loud.

Supersonic:     [redacted].

Jessica:            Why are they being so weird about learning French? Because you do speak French with them a little bit, right?

Supersonic:     A little bit, yes—because we arrived here in this country when she was nine months old. She does think that she's British, which is a problem to me.

Jessica:            (laughs). Sorry. That's really funny, though. Yeah, it is a problem. It is a problem. I'm with you. I'm very with you. Okay. When are you planning on making the move?

Supersonic:     That will be for September, next September, so in a few months.

Jessica:            Very soon. Okay. So your question—I'm not positive what your question is. I'm going to let you reframe it to me in a minute, but let me say this first. I'm going to say moving to Paris is a yes. I do think you're going to have to deal with your family. Now, that might be just psychological. I'm not saying, "Oh, you're going to have to go to their house." I don't see a world in which you don't run into someone who knows someone who knows a family member, because Universe, not because Paris is small, but because of the fucking Universe, right?

Supersonic:     Mm-hmm.

Jessica:            So I want to name that, and I want to name that because it looks like it's true—and it might not be, but it looks like it's true—but also because the way it looks is that your coping mechanism with your family is to break into a million tiny pieces, like shards of glass. Just something in you kind of falls apart.

Supersonic:     It's very funny because I would have imagined myself as a mountain, like really strong and—but yeah, I never—yeah. It's like it's moving, actually. Yeah. I never thought about that like that.

Jessica:            Interesting. But does it feel accurate, what I'm saying, that there's a falling-apart feeling with the stress of your family?

Supersonic:     100 percent.

Jessica:            Okay. Okay, because the only way you were able to kind of survive your childhood was to try to disintegrate through the cracks. So you yourself could be strong. You yourself could be resilient, but not around them, because if you were seen as really strong around them, there would be consequences. So it's almost like you got away from getting negative attention by kind of falling apart. It looks like—sliding into the cracks is how I keep on seeing it.

Supersonic:     That makes a lot of sense. I had equated that with the fact that there was domestic violence in my home.

Jessica:            I'm sorry.

Supersonic:     So I would try to not be seen because they would always be [indiscernible 00:13:27] punishment. But yes.

Jessica:            I'm really sorry. Again, this is not to say you shouldn't move to Paris, but the psychological and emotional coping mechanisms that you have are likely to get more activated there. And that's going to come up in your family life, right? Especially if your partner and your child are both like, "What is French? What is French?" If that's what they're doing, it's going to put you in a weird position that has nothing to do with your childhood but triggers similar issues of, "I don't belong. How can I be safe here? There's nothing I can do." It's like the healthy version of those problems, but it's those problems.

                        So there's kind of two things that are standing out to me. One is your family of origin, and the other one is the mechanics of this move. But before I go off on any tangents, I just want to slow down and see, am I answering the question? Am I addressing the issue that's important to you, or is there some other place you want me to go?

Supersonic:     No, I think I like to follow your ways—

Jessica:            Okay.

Supersonic:     —and also want to try to understand, why do I—after ten-plus years, why now? Because I think there is something in the now that I'm really interested in.

Jessica:            Yeah.

Supersonic:     Is it like, you know, if it's not now, then never? Or why do I have this feeling now?

Jessica:            Yeah. From what I'm seeing, it's a couple of things. One is it is about your child. There's something that happens at around seven where children kind of individuate; their identity becomes more formed, right? And your child is right before that.

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            And you didn't just leave; you bounced from your home, and you kind of left everything behind. And within that, it's just not what you wanted to do. You did it out of survival. You didn't leave everything behind because you didn't want anything of your past. That wasn't true for you, right?

Supersonic:     Mm-hmm.

Jessica:            And so your parenting—the older your child gets and the older you get, the more you're aware that you want your child to be yours, not just in what you give them that's new, but what you share with them that's old. Right? That's part of handing things down. And I think that that is pressing on you, and I think it's been pressing on you for years, actually. It's just gotten to a point. So the idea of moving back started last spring?

Supersonic:     I think in January this year, two months ago.

Jessica:            January of '25?

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            So we're in Pluto conjunction to Mars territory. Pluto conjunction to Mars increases your bravery. Pluto conjunction to Mars—it puts you in a position where you're like, "I'm not hiding. I'm not holding back. I'm going to put myself out there. Fuck it. Fuck it." That's the vibe it puts you in.

                        Pluto conjunction to Mars kicks up ego issues, your willingness to fight, your willingness to compete, your willingness to be brave, and it deepens those things.

Supersonic:     Yes. I've felt them all like that.

Jessica:            Yeah. Yeah. So it started—you had a taste test in the spring of 2024, so the spring of last year, and then it kicked in in earnest at the end of January 2025.

Supersonic:     Exactly.

Jessica:            Yeah. Yeah. It's when it got exact. So the start of January, it got a lot closer, but then by the end of January, you were in. So here's—and this is why I asked about the violence. This is why I asked about violence with your family, because Pluto conjunction to Mars—the downside, if there's anything to worry about, it's—if you had told me that you were concerned that your family would try to grab you or try to coerce you physically or be violent, I would say don't go, just to be totally frank, okay? And there is no violence in your family life now, correct?

Supersonic:     No. So I'm not talking about physical violence, but there is violence happening verbally and emotionally, and I'm contributing to that as well with the father of my child.

Jessica:            Okay. And the father of your child—he/him, the father of your child?

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            Okay. So is he going to be going to France?

Supersonic:     No.

Jessica:            Okay. And does he know you're going to France?

Supersonic:     It's fresh, but he knows.

Jessica:            Okay.

Supersonic:     But he hasn't agreed yet.

Jessica:            Right. And does he have to agree?

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            He does.

Supersonic:     For our child, yes.

Jessica:            Oh yeah. It's very possible he won't agree. Sorry. This is a whole new thing. But he's flexing his power right now, right? He's—

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            Yeah. That's the Pluto/Mars conjunction, but it's also your Christ year because here we are; you're in a situation still with this person where you're like, "Why did I fucking create family with this person that isn't safe?"

Supersonic:     Word for word what I said.

Jessica:            I'm sure. I'm sure. And it's kind of like, what do you do? Do you run and leave everything behind again? That's actually not exactly the answer. And also, I mean, legally, that's a complicated thing to do, right? So, if he says no, what do you do? Take him to court? How does it work there?

Supersonic:     So this will be our last option, but it's not an option that I would like to take for the sake of my child. I really want us to try to move towards love in coparenting again in the future. However, I do not want this man that happens to be white to have power over my choices. So I will be going, and for my child to visit during the holy days—which is my least favorite option, and I want to try to do everything to avoid that.

Jessica:            Yeah.

Supersonic:     However, I'm not going to live in a cage.

Jessica:            Yeah. Okay. So we gotta talk about this. This is what we gotta talk about. I'm going to have you say your full name and then his full name.

Supersonic:     My full name is [redacted]. His full name is [redacted].

Jessica:            Does he still want to be with you?

Supersonic:     So, bearing in mind that it's been four to five years that we separated, I've given—I have been so gracious. It's only the end of last year, but I finally filed for divorce. I can't speak for him, but he has shown signs as in he would still be in love. And I have a huge problem with that, because I'm in general not attracted to people who are showing strong feelings towards me. And now this person—I gave him like ten years of my life already, you know?

Jessica:            Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you're done. You're so done. As far as you're concerned, he's a family member you've walked away from. That's as far as you're concerned.

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            You're done. He's not done. He is hurt. I don't know if what he's feeling is love, but it's certainly attachment and yearning, and he feels that the two of you could if only you would—could, fill in the blank, if only you would, fill in the blank. So he's had this idea that you might come around; the two of you might have this love story that takes lots of different forms. Does this sound like him?

Supersonic:     That sounds like him, and it makes me sick.

Jessica:            I'm so sorry. Yeah.

Supersonic:     Also has a partner and a fresh baby.

Jessica:            It doesn't matter for him.

Supersonic:     Okay.

Jessica:            For him—this is the problem with him, right, is that he has this feeling of, "We were supposed to be together. Therefore, we should be together." And you left him, and so, therefore, forever, even if he doesn't actually want to be with you, he wants to be with you. It's like you made the decision; you make all the decisions in the relationship, and he hates it. He feels needy and yearning around that. I don't understand how you were with this guy.

Supersonic:     I don't know.

Jessica:            I guess he was like the opposite of your family.

Supersonic:     No, I do know, actually.

Jessica:            He was like the opposite of your family, right?

Supersonic:     He looked like the opposite of my family, but then, later on, I understood that he was actually also emotionally manipulative like my father. And also, I must say that I realized later down the line that I went with him because he comes from money. And I was trying to unconsciously offer an alternative to myself.

Jessica:            Yeah. Yeah. That's real.

Supersonic:     And he was nice, you know? He was nice. I had love for him.

Jessica:            Yes. Yeah. But it was the choice of a young person who's like, "Get me the fuck out of here."

Supersonic:     Yeah.

Jessica:            Yeah. And you have a wonderful child as a result.

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            But he is unpredictable. Some days, he's just like, "Yeah, what do I care? Leave. It's fine." And other days, he's like, "You're not taking my kid. You don't get to just leave again."

Supersonic:     Yeah.

Jessica:            His whole thing is like, "You leave again." In dealing with him, it's important to know that his ego is not completely different from your father's. His behavior is different from your father's, but his ego is similar. It's fragile and jumpy.

Supersonic:     What a great description.

Jessica:            You're welcome, and I apologize because that's fucking awful. But both of them have this jumpy, fragile ego issue. And because of that, when you come in with all your Capricorn and Aquarius in you and you're just like, "Listen. This is what it's going to be. You don't like it. I get that. But this is what it's going to be," then the little chips in his armor get activated, and he uses the only power he has. So I'm basically going to give you some advice to manipulate the situation.

Supersonic:     Oh, please. [redacted].

Jessica:            Okay. I'm so sorry. So it's to make the decision that you are going to do everything in your power to remember the good in him, to remember that he is your child's parent and that you want him to be as well as he can be, if not for him, then for your child, right? So really get into contact with your earnest care for this man. That is going to be hard for you.

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            But that's the frame of mind you must first adopt, to find a way to actually remember that you cared about him and that you do care about him still, in your way, for your reasons. Okay. So that's step one. Step two is ask him if he wants to go out for a coffee or hang out in a park.

Supersonic:     Only with me or with—my partner is also a parent of our child. Is it only—

Jessica:            Just you. I would say just you—

Supersonic:     Okay.

Jessica:            —and to say, "Hey. I know this is hard. And we're still going to be a family in our way, and our relationship is forever. And I want to make sure it's good. And you have your partner, and I have my partner. And you have your home, and I want to build my home. And you know me better than anyone. You know how I felt when I left my family. And I need to go back and do this for me, and I need to make sure our child knows their roots."

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            Appeal to the part of him that has empathy for you, that cares about you. And here's the trick: you can only do that if you have empathy for him and you care for him, because he's not your dad.

Supersonic:     No. I think I can try to tap into that. Today I was listening to French romantic songs, and I thought to myself, you know, I might be this person's big love in their life, and I need to let them live their feelings without enabling them, because I can be very ruthless and tough in regards to that. And I think I need to choose the door of softness and compassion like you were suggesting—

Jessica:            Yeah. Yeah.

Supersonic:     —for the sake of my child.

Jessica:            Absolutely, and also for your own sake because do not forget that you're in your Christ year. So what's happening here is the reiteration of your family's patterns. We're not talking about him and his family's patterns. That's his problem. Your problem is your family patterns. And so coercion, bullying, aggression—these are patterns in your family, right?

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            And they're playing out in a dramatically more mellow way, in a dramatically healthier way, than within your childhood. But it's the same pattern. Right? So it's valuable to be able to really feel good about, "Okay. I did not re-create my trauma," but to also be able to recognize, "I grew up with a clear message that there is a weak parent and a dominant parent."

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            "And I am not being the weak parent, but I am being the dominant parent"—not to your child, but in your dynamic with your ex.

Supersonic:     Mm-hmm.

Jessica:            While, on the one hand, I want to be like, "Yeah, if those are the only two options, you chose well"—but if you truly believe that those are the only two options, then you're reliving your childhood in a way that is actually not necessary, which is why the idea of accessing your genuine care for this man and connecting with him from that place and sharing with him why you want to go—it's not to rip his child away from him, even though that's what you're doing. You are doing that, right? You are taking his child from him. And does he have 50/50 custody, or does he only see your child on the weekends or the holidays anyways?

Supersonic:     So, unfortunately, he has 50/50 because I allowed it in my [indiscernible 00:27:36].

Jessica:            Yeah. Yeah. And does he actually take care of your child 50 percent?

Supersonic:     Yes, and he takes care of our child quite well.

Jessica:            Yeah. I mean, I'm not worried about that part. I can see that he cares for your child, and he's a good parent. He's an imperfect person who's a good parent, right?

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            And so, when you set the intention you're going to leave, you are taking a relationship from him that he's deeply invested in—

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            —and your child is deeply invested in, right?

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            That doesn't make it the wrong choice, but it does mean that if you want to break your family trauma pattern of one parent having dominion over the other one, then you need to approach this with greater empathy and care and patience. You're asking a lot of him to let his child go. You are.

Supersonic:     Mm-hmm.

Jessica:            It is a huge loss for him.

Supersonic:     I can see that.

Jessica:            Yeah. And I don't say this to make you feel bad. It's to make you see reality. Right?

Supersonic:     Mm-hmm.

Jessica:            He cares. If he didn't care, then he'd just let you go. But he cares, and that is actually what you want for your child. And the fact that your ex cares means that you didn't partner with a monster.

Supersonic:     Yes. Yeah. Yes.

Jessica:            All of this to say it doesn't diminish your boundaries to sit in the in-between with him. And the in-between is you're making a call, and you're making a choice, and it's a bad choice for Dad. It's a bad choice for ex. It's a bad choice for this guy and for your kid's dad, right? It's not a great choice for them. And it's still the right choice for you, and you're asking him to let you go.

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            Yeah. If you can honor, for him, "I know it's complicated. And I don't know if I'll be there forever, but I do know that I need to do it," and if you let him, he will remember that he knows that for you.

Supersonic:     Mm-hmm.

Jessica:            He knows that better than your current partner because he was there. And there is this part of you—even as I say it, I can feel a little bit of rigidity coming up around that, like, "Nope. No. No. No." Because you're done with him—this is all that Aquarius stuff in you. Because you're done with him, you're like, "No, no, no. You don't get to see my vulnerability. We don't talk about my vulnerability. You don't look at my vulnerability." That's your coping mechanism as opposed to your healthiest parts.

Supersonic:     It feels right, and it also feels uncomfortable.

Jessica:            Yeah. I mean, uncomfortable feels like an understatement, but yes. So, within this, again, it wouldn't be your Christ year and it wouldn't be a Pluto transit if it was comfortable. Let me just say that. But the other part of it is, with him—and I think this is with your family as well. You know how to let them all the way in or cut them out, but it's really hard for you to be like, "Let's share this moment, and that doesn't mean I'm letting you all the way back in."

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            If you do share with him, he'll be needy with you.

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            Clingy and needy. Yeah. I see it. Yeah. He's like a barnacle on your boat. He attaches, and he leeches on, right? And you have this experience of crawling-out-of-your-skin discomfort with that.

Supersonic:     Mm-hmm.

Jessica:            Yeah (laughs). I'm so sorry. It's awful. It's awful. It's awful. And if you're going to have this conversation, if you're going to bother to do this, which—you should only do it if you feel like you can do it, like really do it. If you're going to bother to have this conversation with him, you're going to have to, whenever that crawling-out-of-your-skin feeling comes up, breathe. Just breathe into the feeling because he is needy. He is clingy. It is nonconsensual. And—

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            Yeah. It is. It is. And also, he does not have any actual power or control over you. Now, he does have some control over your movements with your child, right?

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            But he does not actually have power or control over you. And that feeling that you get is not because he has control of the movements of you and your child. That feeling existed before the impulse to go back to Paris existed.

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            Yeah.

Supersonic:     That's good.

Jessica:            It is a feeling that is just like "I can't believe I had sex with this person" kind of feeling. It's bad.

Supersonic:     I don't even think about that like—

Jessica:            I'm sure you don't.

Supersonic:     No-go zone.

Jessica:            I'm sure. Sure. You're, like, done, done, done, done, done.

Supersonic:     Mm-hmm.

Jessica:            And so that feeling that comes up inside of you is, in part, your feelings. That's it. It's your feelings. And in part, it's a coping mechanism that is an overcorrection from having a boundary. Because this man is truly in your life for-fucking-ever—because you have a child with him, right?

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            What you really need is boundaries. So, when he persists in being himself by being a little needy and a little clingy and all the things that he does, if you had a boundary, then you would be able to be like, "Oh, that's him being annoying. I don't like that." But because you don't really have a boundary—you have a hard rule. You have a wall, right?

Supersonic:     Mm-hmm.

Jessica:            Because of that, it seeps through because it's fucking energy. And so you make the wall thicker and taller and thicker and taller, and it doesn't really work, except for that it walls you off from experiencing the energy. And the energy is still getting fucking through, which is why it drives you crazy—like, feels bad.

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            So, ultimately, this is about boundaries, which—in your early developmental experiences, in your childhood, no one had any boundaries. Anyone would try to have boundaries—immediate consequences. No one had boundaries. Your father didn't have boundaries. No one had boundaries. People had rules; people had no rules. People were safe; people were dangerous. There was nothing else.

Supersonic:     Mm-hmm.

Jessica:            And so, as you evolve, hopefully beyond being like a parent, being the opposite of a parent, as you evolve into yourself and you take the risk of moving back to Paris, these issues—it makes perfect sense that they're coming to the surface. In order to be authentically different than your mother or your father, you need boundaries, not rules. Boundaries.

Supersonic:     Mm-hmm. Yes.

Jessica:            Yeah. Rules are really punishment and consequence. What you need more is giving yourself authentic permission to say to yourself, "This man is fucking needy. He is needy because he's needy. He's needy because of whatever he talks about with his therapist. That's who he is. I am uncomfortable with it. I want to have a relationship with him because I need to have a relationship with him, but I don't like the neediness. So my boundary is I can observe it without letting it in and taking it on."

                        If you truly believed that you didn't need to let it in and take it on, if you truly didn't let it in and take it on, then you would just watch him like you watch the annoying children that your child plays with and be like, "Oh, that's annoying," and you just move on with your—you know what I mean?

Supersonic:     Mm-hmm.

Jessica:            It would annoy you, but it's something else with him. It's something else with him. And that's because it's permeating through the wall because it's energy. It's not material, so you can't just erect a wall.

Supersonic:     Yes. Mm-hmm.

Jessica:            And the irony is, when you get really rigid with him and you start being really withholding with him, what happens? He gets more fucking needy, right?

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            Yeah.

Supersonic:     And he explodes, as well, sometimes.

Jessica:            Sure. He feels like, "You pushed me. You pushed me. You pushed me. I have no choice. It's the only way I can get your attention."

Supersonic:     Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. He's the biggest victim of the universe.

Jessica:            Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

Supersonic:     I don't understand.

Jessica:            Okay. I do a little bit, and it has nothing to do with him.

Supersonic:     Okay.

Jessica:            It has to do with your pattern, right?

Supersonic:     Mm-hmm.

Jessica:            So, if you and I were having this conversation at a different time in your life, I would word this differently. But because it's your Christ year, it's like this apex moment of the Saturn Return. Because you're stepping into this Pluto/Mars conjunction, I'm going to put it this way. You made a decision you were never going to be like your mom when you were little. No fucking way you were ever going to be like your mom.

Supersonic:     As in…

Jessica:            As in being hurt, as in being victimized.

Supersonic:     Yes. Yes. Yes.

Jessica:            And the unconscious decision associated with that—because you made that decision when you were too little to understand a lot of complexity and nuance. So the unconscious, kind of unintended decision that came from that was, "Okay. Then I'm going to be more like him than like her."

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            And this is what children do. It's not like you fucked up. It's not even a you thing. It's a human thing. We all see our guardians or our parents, and we decide which one we don't want to be like more. And then we unintentionally kind of decide to be more like the one that is less upsetting to us. Sometimes people have good childhoods, but when there's trauma, that's the thing.

                        And so you met this guy when you were young, right? Early 20s? Late teens?

Supersonic:     Yes, 19, 20.

Jessica:            Yeah. Yeah. You met him when you were really young, and he was not at all like your dad. He was not a perpetrator. He was not an aggressor. And you could tell that you could maintain safety and control with him.

Supersonic:     That's right.

Jessica:            Yeah.

Supersonic:     That's true.

Jessica:            And that was a really good, safe choice for 19-year-old you, for 21-year-old you. That was like, "Okay. I'm never going to be in the position that I saw my mom in. I'm never going to be in that position." And you knew it with this guy. You could push this guy really far, and you'll never be in that position with him.

Supersonic:     Yes. Mm-hmm.

Jessica:            Yeah. And because of how we are constantly working out patterns, what that ended up doing is putting you more in the role of your dad. So, again, on a scale of one to ten, if your mom and dad were ten, you were nowhere near a ten, but it's the same pattern.

Supersonic:     Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Jessica:            And so you do have a behavior with your ex where there are consequences for his behaviors. You will show him those consequences swiftly. If he does not handle those consequences well, you will just bring him new consequences. Am I right?

Supersonic:     That's true. That's true.

Jessica:            Yeah. Yeah.

Supersonic:     That's why, now, I try to not speak too much, so there's no—

Jessica:            Yep. But that's a different version of it. It's a different version of it because he's like, "I want to still be families with you. I would still want to be close to you. I still—I still—I still"— and you're like—the more he's just like "But—but—but," you're like, "No. Never. No." So there's still—there's kind of withholding paternal form of consequences that makes your ex feel out of control and like he has no recourse, which is more of your mom, right?

Supersonic:     Wow. I feel like he tried to tell me that, that with the way I communicate, sometimes he's felt abused.

Jessica:            Yeah.

Supersonic:     And I heard it, but I didn't answer to it.

Jessica:            I mean, abuse and violence are big words. And you use the word "violence" with him, and he's used the word "abuse" with you. And I think you're just mean and dysfunctional with each other—

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            —as opposed to abusive and violent. But these are big umbrellas. They're continuums. So you're on the non-abusive, nonviolent end of the spectrum of abuse and violence. Right?

Supersonic:     Yes. Yes.

Jessica:            So that's great. I mean, in the realm of problems, given your background, that's fucking beautiful. And also, it would be really cool to get off this ride, right? It would be really cool to get off this ride.

                        This is where I come back to the piece of advice I gave you, which is, first, find your authentic empathy for him. Let's add in this: then find your authentic permission for yourself to have emotional boundaries, energy boundaries. So, when he's needy, you get to be present and observe him without taking it in or on so you don't have to defend against it.

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            Easier said than done. If this was easy, you would have done it years ago.

Supersonic:     Mm-hmm.

Jessica:            This is exceptionally hard. Let's say you try it. Even if you try it like 20 times, nobody's going to do this well. Nobody's going to do this well. So I'm giving you advice. It's the process. It's the path. It's not the destination, right?

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            But the way to start is with empathy for yourself and for him.

Supersonic:     I'm going to try to practice that because—

Jessica:            Yes.

Supersonic:     —like you said, for me, it's a very important tool to break down [indiscernible 00:41:29] bullying and dysfunctional communication and things like that, but also mainly for my child.

Jessica:            Yeah. Say your child's name again.

Supersonic:     [redacted].

Jessica:            Do they know that you're moving to Paris?

Supersonic:     No.

Jessica:            They don't know yet?

Supersonic:     No. They don't know yet.

Jessica:            Because it's not solid; it's not certain yet?

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            Have they ever been to Paris?

Supersonic:     We go every year.

Jessica:            Okay. And they like it?

Supersonic:     She loves it.

Jessica:            Okay. Okay. The hardest thing in this—when I look at it, the hardest thing for you is really different than the hardest thing. The hardest thing is that your ex really likes being a parent to your child.

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            That's the hardest thing.

Supersonic:     I think it's one of his main identity.

Jessica:            Yeah.

Supersonic:     He identifies a lot through that.

Jessica:            Yeah. And he loves their time together. He cares about it. He thinks about it when they're not together. He's a great parent. He cares so much. It's kind of easy to be a parent, but it's really hard to be a good parent, you know?

Supersonic:     Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Jessica:            It's like you can just phone it in and have your kid in the house when your ex isn't around, but that's not what he does. He thinks about it. He thinks about education enrichment. And he's a good guy in this way.

Supersonic:     That's right.

Jessica:            And again, when you connect with him, remember those things, not so you feel guilty, not so that your boundaries are weak, but so that you're present with the reality. The reality is, if he's trying to stop you from leaving, I mean, there's an emotional component that's about you, his ex, but there's also a huge component which is like, why would he want that? He doesn't want that at all.

                        And I think if the two of you have a better relationship where, if he comes to visit, then you can include him in your child's life, and there's a way that you can show him your favorite restaurant or you guys could go back to a place you once went, it becomes more appealing. It becomes more tenable. Do you know what I mean?

Supersonic:     Mm-hmm.

Jessica:            And right now, that's not the situation at all.

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            It's like you're taking the kid and running.

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            And he's seen you leave a family before.

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            He knows what this looks like, and he doesn't want that to happen to him. And the truth is it shouldn't happen to him, because he's a good dad.

Supersonic:     Mm-hmm. But if it doesn't happen to him, then it happens to me.

Jessica:            Again, this doesn't mean don't leave and go to Paris. What it means is you have a habit of, "Leaving means I burn the bridge. I change my name. I dye my hair." The way you left your family was so total and complete, he would be an idiot for not being scared that you're doing the same to him.

Supersonic:     Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Jessica:            Right?

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            He knows you. Whether or not you like it that he knows you, he knows you.

Supersonic:     Mm-hmm.

Jessica:            So give him a reason, like a real reason, to believe that it'll be different, that you're not taking your child and burning the bridge, that you're taking your child and building a new bridge with him. Do you know what I mean?

Supersonic:     Yes, I start to—

Jessica:            Okay.

Supersonic:     —to make a plan around him.

Jessica:            Yes, that includes him—

Supersonic:     That includes him.

Jessica:            —so he doesn't have flashbacks to how you left your family, because again, he was there. You keep on thinking he wasn't there because you've written him out of your memories, but he was there.

Supersonic:     Yes. And the last thing I want—I know my child has a fantastic relationship with her dad. And no matter what kind of feelings I'm having, I really want to nourish and nurture this relationship. And at the same time, I want us to go on adventures because I don't believe that because we have a child, we need to stay 18 years in the same city.

Jessica:            Yeah.

Supersonic:     And in the way my child's dad speaks, it's you're either here for 18 years or—

Jessica:            Yeah. That makes sense. I mean, it makes sense for the way he is.

Supersonic:     But for me, he—

Jessica:            Of course.

Supersonic:     —it's more flexible than that.

Jessica:            Yeah. So being able to say to him, "I see what a wonderful father you are, and I see how happy the two of you are together. And even though I want this adventure, and even though I want to return to my roots, I don't want to harm your relationship or keep you from our child"—I don't think you've said any of that. I genuinely don't think you've said any of that.

Supersonic:     I haven't.

Jessica:            So why should he agree to that? Because he knows you. You burn bridges, right?

Supersonic:     Mm-hmm.

Jessica:            So you have to figure out if you believe it. Are you really trying to nurture your relationship, the relationship between your child and your ex? Be honest with yourself.

Supersonic:     My priority is for me to nurture my relationship with my child—

Jessica:            Yes.

Supersonic:     —number one, because I think the way our parenting has gone, I feel I've given lots of space for them to develop their relationship at the detriment of my own mothering. So that is my truth. And at the same time, I know how my child loves her dad, and I know how much her dad loves her. They will always be there for each other, and I want to support that as well.

Jessica:            Okay. So this is really important. The energy with which you said those two separate statements was really different. The energy with which you named how you've kind of nurtured their relationship, in some ways at the detriment of your own relationship with your child—the energy with which you said that, it was very stubborn. There was a lot of—in the energy. And then the energy of what you're saying about, "I know they have a great relationship, and they love each other, and I want to hold space for it"—I actually see more flow when you said that.

                        And so this is the trouble for you. You feel defensive. You feel defensive about your relationship with your child.

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            And that defensiveness—all defensiveness—comes from insecurity.

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            Shame, insecurity, something like that. And this is why, when you talk to him, you're overcorrecting and being like, "I'm taking the kid. Peace out. I'm going to France. Fuck you." There is a way that you're communicating more of your defensiveness than your clarity, not because you're not clear that you're not trying to break this relationship up. You are really clear about the value of this relationship between your child and your ex. I believe you when you say that. But—and this is, like, big but, big but—some of why you want to go back home is because you didn't leave right. You fucking—you fled. You fled, right?

Supersonic:     Yes. Mm-hmm.

Jessica:            And so the worst thing you could do here is flee. The worst thing you could do here with your ex is leave wrong, because then you're reiterating the pattern. And that means, every time you have a challenging transit between Saturn and itself, you will have a fucking problem with your ex, with your kid, with your parents—something. Do you know what I mean? With your partner. Something.

                        So this is not like a prediction I'm making. I want to be clear. It's a naming of how human patterns work. If you break your part of the pattern, then the pattern breaks. If you break him, which—you could totally break your ex. That would be kind of easy for you. If you break him, your pattern persists.

Supersonic:     Mm-hmm. It makes me think maybe I'm looking at this in the wrong way around, and maybe leaving clean would be to allow my child to stay here.

Jessica:            I don't think so. You're going into extremes.

Supersonic:     Oh. Okay.

Jessica:            Let me pull you back from the edge.

Supersonic:     Okay.

Jessica:            Yeah. Yeah. I think the truth is you love your child, and you want a happy family.

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            You do. You do. And I don't see that that's wrong. It's more the way you're trying to leave. It's more the navigation of family. This motherfucker, if I may say so, if I may call him that—

Supersonic:     Please do.

Jessica:            Yes. This motherfucker is your family. Did you make a bad choice? I mean, kind of. And also, your kid's fucking amazing, so you didn't make a bad choice, right?

Supersonic:     Yes. Mm-hmm.

Jessica:            It's confusing but also not confusing. He's your family.

Supersonic:     [indiscernible 00:50:07] like he has been, like I really made everything in my power to make a Queer family, [indiscernible 00:50:15] family, our family. It didn't go well, to a point that I removed our family from that system. But he does consider us as his family. But for me, I already left my own family of origin, so I have no—you know.

Jessica:            Yeah. Listen. I really get what you're saying. I also am a person who's like, "Yeah. Burn bridges. Bridges are not meant to be forever. It's okay." But here's the problem. The way that your chart is written, you made a choice. Was it a good choice? Was it a bad choice? It doesn't matter. It was a choice, and there are consequences, right?

Supersonic:     Mm-hmm. Yes.

Jessica:            And now your patterns are playing out in the context of your choices. You chose to have a kid with this dude, and now he's your fucking family. Now, your siblings are your family. Your parents are your family. That doesn't mean they're family in the same way that your child and your partner is your family. But there's nothing you can do to undo that they're your family. They're just your family that you've chosen to be estranged from.

Supersonic:     Okay. Yes. Mm-hmm.

Jessica:            Your ex is your family because he is the parent to your child. That fucking sucks. But if you accept that you are connected to this man, if you really accept that you're connected to this man, then what you have is the opportunity to play out your inherited patterns, your childhood patterns, differently. So deciding, "I'm done, and therefore, he's not family"—does that sound familiar to you in any way from other choices you've made? I don't know. I mean, it's hella subtle, but do you notice what I'm talking about?

Supersonic:     I might.

Jessica:            Yes. You might. You might. And this is a pattern to break, right? Because he is not dangerous and harmful. He is annoying and cloying. He drives you fucking nuts.

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            But he's not dangerous and abusive in any way.

Supersonic:     No, he's not.

Jessica:            No, he's not. And so I applaud—genuinely, I applaud your ability and willingness to be like, "I'm going to take control of my fucking life. I am not going to be in a situation that is unhealthy for me to be in." That is a really good quality that you have. But having one tool—let's call it—I don't know—a hammer. Having one tool with which you approach all things means you are going to be banging on things that need, maybe, a feather or pliers. Do you see what I'm saying?

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            This is a situation that does not require a hammer. And in fact, you may cause harm to the situation if you use a hammer because a hammer is only good for a couple of things. You can pull a nail. You can get a nail in there. You can break shit. I mean, there's not a whole lot else you can do with a hammer. You've done really good with a hammer in your life so far. You genuinely have. And I don't want you to get rid of your hammer. I'm simply suggesting that turning him into your Queer coparent/bestie—no, that didn't work, because it doesn't work. You can't be that close to him.

                        But that doesn't mean you get rid of him completely either. There are a lot of choices in between. But none of them can be achieved with a hammer, which is your go-to.

Supersonic:     That's a shame.

Jessica:            I know. Tragic. It's terrible. But also, you get it, right?

Supersonic:     Yes. I get it.

Jessica:            And so being able to say to him, "Listen. You know me. I tend to be a little extreme. I want to compromise with you, and I'm not going to be the first person to suggest a compromise"—own it. Just own it. Laugh about it with him and say, "I know I need to do this. I need to go home. I need to make sure that our child knows France. I need to do these things. And I promise"—and you better mean it; don't just say it, but say to him, "I promise that I love and respect your relationship with our child, and I'm not trying to harm it or ever stop you from being the dad that they love." That might make a massive difference. Can you imagine how it would make a difference with him?

Supersonic:     I can. I can because I guess, unfortunately, it hasn't been done yet, you know, for me to acknowledge his feelings, his positionality in the situation.

Jessica:            If you were to do this—forget him; forget the situation—you would be doing something that neither of your parents have ever been able to do. There is a way that breaking patterns—it's like stepping off a cliff. When you as an individual do something that is so outside of what other members of your family have ever been able to do emotionally—and it might be something that on paper might seem small, like acknowledging the other person's perspective, just holding space for their feelings—it feels fucking nuts because you have no context. It seems like, "This has got to be a trap. This is crazy." Right?

Supersonic:     Yes. Mm-hmm.

Jessica:            But the truth is that this is how true change occurs. It's not by being the opposite of your mom or the opposite of your dad. It's by being different because heads and tails—it's one coin. Doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. You don't want to be tails to the heads of your parents. You want to be a nickel to their dime or whatever. Those are very American references, but you want to be different is what I'm trying to say.

Supersonic:     Yes, [indiscernible 00:56:19].

Jessica:            You want to be different. And for you, because you're a damn Pisces with a—you're a double Libra, Moon and Rising in Libra, Sun/Mercury in Pisces. Everything else is fucking Capricorn, Aquarius. But you fear that if you have empathy and if you hold space for someone else's perspective, that you will become a puddle, you will have no boundaries, and you will be overtaken by the other person, yeah?

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            Yeah. And how many times has that happened in your life?

Supersonic:     All the time.

Jessica:            Really?

Supersonic:     Ah, but become a puddle—the fear. The fear, all of the time.

Jessica:            Yeah. The fear is all the time. But when has it actually happened?

Supersonic:     Actually, yeah, that's interesting. Maybe it didn't.

Jessica:            Zero times. Zero times. Yeah. Zero times.

Supersonic:     But I think it's because that's how I perceived, like you were saying before, my mother, right?

Jessica:            Yeah. It's your mom. It's your mom. She made some choices, you know? She made some choices, and they got away from her.

Supersonic:     Yeah.

Jessica:            And the thing that I can say about you is that you've made some choices that have gotten away from you. They're nothing like the ones that she made. But you will not lose yourself while being mistreated by someone else. There's a lot of mistakes you'll make in this life. That's not one of them. You don't have the tolerance for it. If somebody comes at you with trying to control you, yeah, it takes you about 30 seconds.

And this is like a very post-Saturn Return thing, being able to be at this age where you're old enough—see, if I had asked you that question, "How many times have you actually turned into a puddle and lost yourself?"—if I had asked you that question four years ago, it'd be hard to trust the answer. But you're finally old enough where you actually can be like, "Well, shit. That has actually never happened.

Supersonic:     Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Jessica:            And so we come to a point in the early 30s where, ideally speaking, you start to be able to say, "I can stop defending myself against my childhood fear of what I am and instead start embodying the truth of how I intend to be," because you do want to be an empathetic, collaborative, compassionate person.

Supersonic:     Yes, I do.

Jessica:            You do.

Supersonic:     And I feel like outside of my family members, like at work, that's how I'm perceived of them.

Jessica:            Yeah. Yeah.

Supersonic:     But my family members are so close [indiscernible 00:58:51].

Jessica:            It's family trauma. I mean, it's family trauma. The reason why it's easier to do with coworkers and friends is because it's easier to have boundaries with those people for you.

Supersonic:     Yes. Yeah.

Jessica:            Yeah, whereas when you really love someone, you have conditioning to say, "Love means no boundaries." So you loved your ex-partner. You loved him, and in some ways, you let go of your boundaries. Right? And you did it on purpose. You did it intentionally, but you did it.

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            And you never figured out how to have boundaries with him. You tried to shape him into what you wanted him to be, and it never exactly worked. And so, eventually, you're like, "I'm out."

Supersonic:     Yeah.

Jessica:            And the better thing to do is to accept he's annoying. I look at him energetically, and I think, "Oh yeah. He's annoying." And it's not that he's a bad person. He's not a bad guy. There are so many terrible guys in the world. He's not on the list. He's annoying and needy.

Supersonic:     Mm-hmm.

Jessica:            And that, for you, is deeply offensive. Like, it fucking gets at you. But if you can accept that he's needy and annoying—just accept it; just be like, "Yeah, that's who he is"—then you can have boundaries with it. The problem is you don't accept it. You struggle with, "Is it real? Is it not real? Why is he like this? He doesn't have to be like this."

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            And when you're struggling with acceptance, it's exceptionally hard—borderline not possible—to have boundaries.

Supersonic:     Okay.

Jessica:            So, if we go back to your child, your child has friends that are annoying that have play dates or whatever, right?

Supersonic:     Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Jessica:            Kids are annoying. We love kids. They're annoying. Okay. It's not a problem. You don't have a problem that a child is annoying, because children are annoying. No big deal. You've accepted it.

Supersonic:     That's right.

Jessica:            Yeah. You haven't accepted that your ex is annoying. You still are locked in this dynamic when you're like 21, 23 years old, something like that with him, where you're trying to pretend that you're not bothered by all the things you're bothered by.

Supersonic:     Yes. That's—exactly that.

Jessica:            You're welcome. You're welcome. So you're trapped at 23 is what I'm seeing.

Supersonic:     Mm-hmm. Yes.

Jessica:            Yeah. Okay. But you're like 33.

Supersonic:     Mm-hmm.

Jessica:            So this is for you as much as it is for him, to be able to accept you've known this fucking guy for 13, 14 years. You can actually just accept that he is who he is, and it's not because he's not trying. It's not because—you know, listen. It is because of x, y, and z. It is because of his childhood and his neediness. But it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter why he is who he is. He is who he is.

Supersonic:     That's true. Mm-hmm.

Jessica:            Yeah, just like you are who you are. He can obsessively think about, "Well, if you did this more or did that more, then maybe you would be like this with him." Doesn't that drive you fucking nuts when somebody just does that to you? It's not accepting you. It's not accepting you.

Supersonic:     Yes. That's true.

Jessica:            So, if you accept that he is who he is, then you can build a relationship with him that have boundaries and that reflect what's realistic. Again, this is exceptionally simple and exceptionally hard. I want to be clear. Even if you try to do this and you're very good at it, you will not be good at it all the time. But this is the way to create something authentically different than your family of origin. And that's worth its weight in gold—gold, gold, gold.

Supersonic:     Yeah. I can feel it.

Jessica:            You can feel it.

Supersonic:     Like, I feel quite warm inside of my body. I feel like this is going to be really annoying as a tool, and that's why I need to practice it. And I can see that's the opposite of what I've been doing so far.

Jessica:            Good. Good. I'm really glad to hear that.

Supersonic:     Thank you.

Jessica:            It is so my pleasure. One last thing I'll say is moving to Paris is going to trigger a lot of fear with your family, your family of origin. Do you know if your siblings live in Paris?

Supersonic:     I know that one of them does.

Jessica:            Is it the youngest?

Supersonic:     Sort of.

Jessica:            Okay. One of the youngest?

Supersonic:     Yes. Mm-hmm.

Jessica:            Okay. And are they kind of cool?

Supersonic:     They're kind of cool, but they are homophobic.

Jessica:            Okay. Okay.

Supersonic:     But like— I don't know how to say, like they're just close-minded in this way, but not culturally like the other ones.

Jessica:            Okay. So they're homophobic less by being aggressive, more just by being conservative?

Supersonic:     Inconsiderate.

Jessica:            Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            Mm-hmm. I ask because I keep on seeing two of your siblings in Paris. So I don't know if that means they're going to find out you're there or they're going to make an effort, you'll run into them—I don't know what it means, but I do see the potential for contact with your siblings. And to that, I only want to say I’m not sure how you know how homophobic they are in 2025 if you don't have contact with them. So is it possible they've evolved?

Supersonic:     Yeah. It is possible, especially this young one.

Jessica:            This one. Yeah.

Supersonic:     Yes, because when I left, she was just out of teenagehood, and now—

Jessica:            I mean, it's been a long time.

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            Yeah. A lot changes in that time.

Supersonic:     Mm-hmm.

Jessica:            And so there is something to be said about being open with boundaries, right? This whole thing we've been talking about—sorry.

Supersonic:     Just keeps on coming.

Jessica:            Yeah. Yeah.

Supersonic:     I already [indiscernible 01:04:31] admission.

Jessica:            I know. It's terrible, and I apologize. But I will say this. As high as the stakes are with your ex-husband, dealing with him is going to be easier, figuring out how to have boundaries is going to be easier, with him than with your siblings or your parents. And you are being pulled back to France. And so there is a way that you may have an opportunity to deal. And I'm not positive that your siblings are all homophobic and problematic. I'm not. Some of them, for sure. But I keep on seeing two of them. Maybe not. Maybe they, like—I don't know. It's 2025.

Supersonic:     Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Maybe the younger ones.

Jessica:            Yeah. Who knows? Maybe one of them is Queer. I don't know. How would you know? I don't know. You know, you just don't know is the thing. And also, you know what? Maybe you'll find out that they're all fucking very conservative and homophobic, and you keep them out of your life. But the thing about boundaries is they're adaptable. Rules are like walls that are thick and tall, and the only way to get around them is to break them down or scale them. It's like you're either on one slide of the wall or you're on the other side of the wall.

                        Boundaries are adaptable. It's more like a gate that you can open and close, shutters that you can open and close on a window. There may be a reason for you to peek behind your wall and see, are things as terrible as when you left them 14 years ago? Because if they're not, then there may be a reason for you to be interested in your siblings. And there may not. And there may not. Being adaptable is a skill worth achieving. You are very adaptable in many ways. This is not one of them.

Supersonic:     No.

Jessica:            Right? Okay. That's okay.

Supersonic:     My whole body stands [indiscernible 01:06:26].

Jessica:            You're like, "I'm [crosstalk]."

Supersonic:     [crosstalk] the walls.

Jessica:            But you see where I'm going with this, right? It's—

Supersonic:     I do.

Jessica:            Yeah. Part of the pull is the pull towards home. And that does have to do with your family. And it does have to do with your family, and that doesn't mean anything is ever going to change. And it doesn't mean that it's not. We don't know what it means. But if you have healthy boundaries, then you can afford to explore a little bit, right? And you don't have to. You don't have to do shit. You don't have to do shit. You don't have to do shit. You want to remember there's no "shoulds" here. It's more about understanding that what you're going through with your ex is the safer version of your family of origin.

Supersonic:     Mm-hmm. And this felt already like jumping from a highest cliff.

Jessica:            I'm so sorry. But there it is. That is what's happening. And this is, again, a Pluto transit and your Christ year overlapping at the same time. And so, if in the end you decide, "Okay. Even if I run into a sibling or something happens, I’m not ready," I would encourage you to say to yourself with empathy and compassion, "I'm not ready," instead of, "No," okay?

Supersonic:     Yeah.

Jessica:            Because the only reason to say no is because you have information. Making an assessment without data is not it. You have very outdated data.

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            Exceptionally outdated. Does that mean you should run back into your parents' house? No, it doesn't. But 14 years with your siblings? That's very old data.

Supersonic:     Mm-hmm.

Jessica:            So am I telling you to go out and Google your siblings and find out what they've been tweeting or whatever? No. But also, you could. We'll see. Do it in a year; never do it. It doesn't matter, and also, it does matter. Do you see what I'm trying to get at here is that—

Supersonic:     Completely.

Jessica:            Yeah. This is like when you say, "Well, why am I pulled?" all of this is why. This is part of your evolution. And it's not about what you do. It's the way you do what you do.

Supersonic:     Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Jessica:            That's where the evolution occurs, right?

Supersonic:     I feel that.

Jessica:            Yeah. So you have all of your assignment. It is not easy, but you're going to get there. You're going to get there. It's just going to be hard, but you're going to get there.

Supersonic:     I want to scream. Thank you so much.

Jessica:            (laughs)

Supersonic:     (laughs) I'm saying thank you [indiscernible 01:09:08].

Jessica:            I'm so sorry.

Supersonic:     But I am feeling grateful at the same time, so it's very confusing as a feeling.

Jessica:            I'm sure. I'm sure. Well, this is the thing, and it's really important for me to say this: you don't have to do any of this. You don't have to take any of this advice. What's important for you is to not rush to an answer but instead to sit with the information, the emotional information of how you feel, the ideas that we've shared—all of that. It's to explore the information, explore the data, and from that place make the best choice you know how to make in the moment.

So you might decide, "The healthiest thing for me to do is to have this really empathetic, caring conversation, but I'm not capable of being empathetic and caring with my ex right now." And so, instead, maybe you write him a letter and hand it to him and say, "Listen. I wish I could say this, but I'm just not ready, so I wrote down my thoughts." You can find a middle ground. There's always a middle ground. People are not always willing and able to meet you on that middle ground, but you can seek it. You're a Pisces. Okay?

Supersonic:     I'm [indiscernible 01:10:30].

Jessica:            I know. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. That's terrible. I'm so sorry. So okay. Did we answer the question?

Supersonic:     Yes, and beyond.

Jessica:            Okay. And beyond. Okay. Okay. Great.

Supersonic:     Thank you so much.

Jessica:            When we get off the call, put your feet on the ground, and do you do any exercises to bring the earth into your body or to drop your energy into the earth? Do you ever do stuff like that?

Supersonic:     I've never done that. Usually, I get—call the light up, but I'm going to try with earth and [crosstalk].

Jessica:            Okay. Okay. Try earth. Yeah. Do the golden light first if that's what you're used to, but then bring earth energy up through your feet all the way through your system and out your head. Get a little bit grounded because this is emotionally way overstimulating conversation. And so bringing earth energy into your body will help your system to process it.

Supersonic:     Yes.

Jessica:            Okay. Good.

Supersonic:     Thank you.

Jessica:            It's my pleasure.