written originally for Girlboss

written originally for Girlboss

 

Forgiveness is an act of self-healing that will set you free. 

To forgive is such a simple concept, but make no mistake – negative emotions are deep, mysterious, and difficult to transform. When you get hurt, your survival mechanisms are hard-wired to fight, or to run as far away as you can get, but those impulses are limiting. It’s not enough to scream and yell at someone who's hurting you, you must also love yourself enough to move on. Forgiveness is not about letting the “bad guy” off the hook; it’s about taking the hook out of your own heart.

This kind of self-care isn’t an all-or-nothing act; it’s about responding honestly and with kindness to the truth as it emerges. It’s not your job to call out the wrong in others; all you need to do is to align yourself with what’s right for you.

On Episode #5 of the Self Service Podcast (which you should totally be listening to!), I recommended a forgiveness ritual. For the greatest impact, start it with the Solar Eclipse on the 15th, and do it daily through the whole lunar cycle (but at the very least until the next Full Moon on the 1st of March). It’s unrealistic to say "I forgive X" and then be done with it. Forgiveness takes time, patience, and care.

This ritual for forgiveness can be done at any time, and it’s simple. Here are the steps:

- Make a list of every person that you have a resentment towards. This include the big ones – heartbreaks and traumas – down to the little, petty stuff.

- Once this is done, go through each name and breathe. Stay present with the feels that you have about them.

- Then forgive them.

When you can’t forgive them, forgive yourself.

- Repeat.

  

Forgiveness is not consent. Forgiveness is an act of self-healing that will set you free. It allows you to acknowledge your pain without aligning yourself permanently with it. Forgiveness supports your ability to accept your past without reliving it or attempting to change what’s unchangeable. Sometimes it’s a process, and sometimes you can have a cathartic shift, but it’s always soothing to your soul on some level.

When someone is a dink, that’s their problem; but when you harbor feelings of hate, vengefulness, or resentment, you unwittingly turn it into your problem. People do shitty things. And when they do shitty things, it’s a reflection of their shit – not of your value. Forgive yourself for clutching someone else’s poison and holding it close to your heart. Forgive yourself for your part. Forgive yourself for not taking better care of you.

You don’t need to get wrapped up in the story of what someone else did or didn’t do to you; it’s done. It’s over. Now it’s time to love yourself enough to let go so you can then fill yourself up with what you truly want your life to hold. When you let go of what no longer serves you, it has the consequence of leaving room for what’s meant to be. No one can take your good from you, so don’t give it away willingly, my love. 

Holding onto the pain another has caused you does nothing but keep you down. When you can’t forgive another for how they hurt you, forgive yourself. But don’t worry, it’s a process. The pain that has taken a hold on you probably didn’t happen overnight, and forgiving may not either. The point is to try. The point is to attempt to free yourself from the binds of hate and resentment. If the best revenge is success, you must start within, because you can’t be truly successful if you’re unhappy and haunted by the past. So go through your list, be still with the resentments you hold toward another, and see if you can feel some forgiveness in that stillness. Breathe into it, and let it fill you up from there. If you can’t find it in you, forgive yourself for not being ready to let go, and try again tomorrow. Do what you need to do to get free.

Forgiveness is hard because it’s the end. When you really let go of the hurt that another caused you, you have to finally move on. The pain of letting go is not your enemy. It’s a teacher and an inevitable part of any healing journey. The pain you feel is in need of love and patience and time. The practice of forgiveness will help that along by freeing you up of toxic thoughts and feels. 


Affirmation for Forgiveness:
I freely forgive you. I may not understand you or your actions, and I don’t need to. All bonds between us are broken. It’s done and finished forever.

 

You deserve peace, my love.

Release your resentments and get free.

 xo